Today I wanted to tell God to go away. You see, He's been bugging me for days now, telling me we are having problems with our relationship. It is true. While we still may speak, there is something wrong. I just haven't known what to do about it. I told Him last week that if He wanted me to "prove it". He hasn't left me alone since. I'm in a constant state of knowing that I need to spend some time with Him yet still not knowing how exactly to get the connection back. I suppose the old favourites should do, you know, "read your bible and pray" but it is hard to read when your over-analysing writing style and it is hard to pray when you can't listen. These are excuses. I know it. So does God.

It has gotten to the point that it is painful to know that God is so near and I am so unwilling or unable to contact Him. The pain wakes me up in the morning and I numb it by turning on the radio. I keep my anaesthesia going all the way to the shower when I busy myself with what to do for the day until I can make it back to my anaesthesia.

This morning was different. The anaesthesia didn't help. It actually made it worse. I needed some relief. I found my way to the floor and with head on the bed I asked for help. I said I didn't know who to talk to, but I needed someone. I just needed to get through the day and feel somehow connected again. Nothing happened.

I got an email later that morning. Dad said "we need to talk". So I rang him first chance i got. We chatted about this and that and finally he asked, "How is your spiritual life?" My father has never before in my memory asked me that. I didn't want to tell him. Somehow though, I didn't want to lie. I told him it wasn't good, but i didn't go into detail. Somehow he knew what to say, though. He told me that I'm never alone. God is going to be there with me. Whatever happens to trust the plans that He has placed in my heart. He has put them there for a reason and not to give up on them. Most of all not to give up on Him.

Coincidence? It could be. But I choose to see it as devine intervention when i needed it most. Maybe I am being naive, maybe I'm giving God too much credit, or maybe not enough, but either way, somehow I was touched.I know I felt God's fingers brush away my tears and tenderly caress my heart.