Friday, March 30, 2007

top 5 ways to know you've made a bad choice

5. you've developed a nervous twitch
4. you get 'the look' from the significant other
3. your immidiately admitted into the hospital for reconstructive surgery
2.something explodes
1.You get better press coverage doing stand up than leading a country.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


I wish i could be confident that if i posted an entry to a certain person they would 1) read it. and 2) understand what i was actually saying to them. Unfortunately they won't ever understand what i want to say. They will never hear it. But maybe if it was but in lyrical form they would feel different.

My Interpretation- Mika

You talk about life, you talk about death,
And everything in between,
Like it's nothing, and the words are easy.
You talk about me, and you talk about you,
And everything I do,
Like it's something, that needs repeating.
I don't need an alibi or for you to realize,
The things we left unsaid,
Are only taking space up in our head.
Make it my fault, win the game
Point the finger, place the blame
It does me up and down,
It doesn't matter now.

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.
This is not about emotion,
I don't need a reason not to care what you say,
Or what happened in the end.
This is my interpretation,
And it don't, don't make sense.

The first two weeks turn into ten,
I hold my breath and wonder when it'll happen,
Does it really matter?
If half of what you said is true,
And half of what I didn't do could be different,
Would it make it better?
If we forget the things we know.
Would we have somewhere to go?
The only way is down, I can see that now.


It's really not such a sacrifice


And it don't have to make no sense to you at all,
'Cause this is my interpretation, yeah, yeah, yeah

Time to prep

I woke up thinking about the list of items i had to prepare for the speaker. The speaker was from Jews for Jesus. He was to be presenting on the passover service and how it relates to Christ.

Admittedly, i should have looked at the list many weeks ago. Unforunately i'm a dumb-ass and i didn't. So it was on the moring of this man's talk that i began to gather the list of items. The list went something like this:

✡ One large table (approx. 2 metres) covered by a white tablecloth.
✡ Two 22cm white candles in candlesticks with matches to light them.
✡ Two chairs and two large bed pillows with pillowslips.
✡ A hard-boiled egg, unpeeled
✡ A finely chopped or ground apple (peeled and cored, then left to brown)
✡ Ground horseradish (bottled, not a ‘horsey’ sauce, but actual horseradish)
✡ An unpeeled onion ( or horseradish root if available)
✡ At least 6 sprigs of parsley with stem and heads remaining intact
✡ Tap water with enough salt added to turn the water cloudy

I think it was the measurements that caused my eyebrow to raise first. Then it was the pillows...(what did pillows have to do with a meal?!) finally it was the exactness of the food instructions. "with stems and heads remaing"?! exactly how else was i going to prepare parsley?

So it was with a little bit wonderment and bemusement that i gathered the ingredients.

In the end, the entire thing was made clear to me. (The pillows were to for lounging on during the meal.) and i was glad to have followed the instructions...but it was a bit like that 6th grade test where you have to follow all the instructions exactly or you fail.

Have you ever wondered?

Today i watched a presentation by a member of the Jews for Jesus organisation. Jews for Jesus is a group of Jewish people who have come to believe that Jesus is the messiah the Jews have been waiting for. Their mission is to share this belief with other Jews.

The speaker was from Israel. He wasn't very old, he was a bit nervous, but he did a great job of explain the passover service in the context of Christ.

As i watched this young Israeli man speak to a group of Seventh-day Adventist Christians i began to wonder what it would be like to be of a religion and find truth in another. What must it be like for a Jew to hear that the Christian belief in Jesus is also your salvation. The difficulty they must have with that must be immense.

Today i wondered if there was truth in other religions that i cut out because it didn't fit into my understanding of Christianity....

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Ready for a laugh?

Lincoln delivered the Getty's bird a dress.

Today is's day for visual puns or word plays. So if your interested in a bit of a chuckle, click here to view all the entries.

Monday, March 26, 2007

somthing to think about

Who Wants to Be an Amerikan

The short film is both disturbing and thought provoking.


movie wonders

There are some films that even i am amazed that i like. This week i watched Tank Girl again. admittedly, i've seen it too many times. All weekend i've been quoting lines like:

T-Saint: How much did they pay you to spy on us?
Tank Girl: Two dollars and fifteen cents!


Tank Girl: I have two words for you. Brush your teeth!

The whole film is full of flipant humour and dirty jokes. The plot has massive holes in it and at time you wonder if it is even there...but i can't get past the fun ride. The whole film is fun to watch and even when your hero is getting her butt kicked, she comes up with a never-get-down attitude that you can't help but laugh at. Its great. I found a pirated clip from youtube that demonstrates this point perfectly. If you want to have a look, click here.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

What i'm watching this week

Australia's Got Talent
(this link has a great example of what the show shows...well, part of it)

Thank God Your Here
(be sure to click on this link if you want a laugh)


Ugly Betty

Friday, March 23, 2007

some days it just isn't worth smiling

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Top 5 Things to really PISS me off this week

i'm so confused!

I enjoy looking at a baby as much as the next girl, but i'm hardly a 'right to lifer'. I'm a pro-choice girl, all the way. I am also an enviromentalist. Of course, the enviroment would be rather bland if it didn't have animals in there too, so i support the animal rights movement as well...well..i did...until this. now i'm just confused.

I'm not saying that humans should always save the baby polar bears, but it has left me confused. We are meant to treat captive animals that same as if they were in the wild. (Mr. Bear, please ignore the fence and all those people standing over there. Just pretend your in the wild!)

But i'm also confused about the whole, putting an animal down thing. The majority of people seem to be against human abortion, but this article makes it sound like there is a large portion of people who believe we should put down the baby bear. 'Save the life at all costs' is what the Christian right says. Yet the conflicting message continues with, "unless they are an animal. In that case kill'em before they get too big and we have to worry about saving their habitat".

Monday, March 19, 2007

no sex?!

There is a movie coming out (or maybe its already out, i can't remember) called Children of Men. It deals with the idea that humans, in the future, can no longer pro-create. Its a scary idea that humans should stop having children. It appears that the phanominon is already happening in Japan. But their lack of children doesn't seem to be from any medical problem. It stems from just not having sex.

Apparently one third of Japan's population hasn't had sex in at least a month! They are just too busy to take time for themselves. So while we already knew the married couples weren't having sex, it appears that even single men and women are forfitting sex for work.

Now admittedly i enjoy the good life. (Which in my case refers to lots of time by myself, a decent amount of time with my husband, and some of that time pro-creating as not to have children) I just can't imagine choosing to work instead of enjoy a little pleasure of the flesh!

I am beginning to think this is an epidemic. Asian countries have long been known for their strong work ethic and long hours...but studies are starting to show that other countries are following suit. America, Europe, Australia...all have had studies done in the last 2 years that suggest people are working longer and longer hours. They are more tired and less productive (and not just in the baby department)

How long before human kind forgets how to procreate!...

but i live in a bubble, so it doesn't affect me.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Um, i know you

so was surfing the net and wandered onto I saw an add running along side column. Normally i don't give a second look to big breasted women but it suddenly struck me, I KNOW HER! she went to my high school! (and my high school wasn't very big either!)

apparently even the web is a small world after all.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Vote for you life

Voting season is coming quickly upon us in Oz. With polititions throwing mud this way and that, it reminded me that i still need to register to vote in my native land. So i did what i always do when i'm not sure of what to do; i googled it.

my google search turned up THE OVERSEAS VOTE FOUNDATION. I worked my way through the site until i found what i was looking for: registering to vote. i clicked the link, only to find that i had to choose which state i was from. I became quite confused because the state i'm currently residing in was not listed. For some reason i could only be from a US state. That was odd.

I decided to put my mother's state in and proceed, but found that it then asked for an address. I again, put my mother's hoping that they would not actually check that i was living there.

After a few more fibs, i decided that i must have the wrong place to register. So i started again. My searching finally led me to this; an article about how overseas persons find it frustrating to vote.

It seems that i am not alone. The system that asked me to honestly assess the canadates ensures that overseas voters 1) have to lie about their address/state 2) have as hard of a time as possible being heard.

And like most Americans i wonder if this isn't an elebrate conspiracy. (i've been told that conspiracy theories reside mostly in american mentality) If it is a plot to keep those who can actually see what is happening from a distance from saying anything at all....

Thursday, March 15, 2007


I tried to chuck a sicky today. I called my boss and told her i was too ill to come in. I threw in a few coughs for good measure. I sniffled and allowed my voice to sound as if the frog in my throat was procreating.

She said i was faking and i better be at work today.

Its a bitch working for yourself.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Contest

(above original)

I finally did it! i finally entered the Worth1000 competition! This competition was to called Albulm: The Movie. It's supposed to feature actors or movies on album covers. I hope I did okay.

If you'd like to check out the other applicants, click here. If you have a worth1000 account, VOTE FOR ME!


I love Lily Allen, as most of you have already heard me rant, but today i've found another love, Mika (pronounced meeka).

His pouncy tunes and humourous lyrics have me hooked.

If you don't believe me when i tell you how fab this man is, check out his songs here. You'll soon bee a true listener too!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Doin' the Xian thang

Its probably because I'm a heathen at heart that most Christian outreach programs piss me off. Actually, a lot of the Christian attitudes piss me off. There seems to be a high and mighty-ness about it all. The kind of "join us or die" sort of air floats around them and their fairy-floss (sugar-coated) smiles.

"yes, we are better than you. and yes, you are going to hell unless you sing all 100 repeated lines of a Hillsong Song."

Thus it was with morbid curiosity that i wandered into It sounds like a funky sort of porn kind of is. It's a Christian outreach program that targets those inside the church who struggle with pornography as well as searching out those in the porn industry to give them the support they can't get from porn.

They go to porn conventions and hand out Bibles that say "Jesus Loves Porn Stars" on the cover...yeah, that sounds pretty fairy-floss at first until they start developing friendships with different people in the Industry. Some of these people choose to leave; some don't. arranges to debate with porn stars at Universities. They don't seem to be concerned about backing away or "shutting down the industry". Their ministry is to give the kind of love and support that porn just can't give.

I must admit this story warmed my heathen heart. It's so nice to see Christians filling a need instead of if only i could follow suit....

Hubby's Birthday party..AT THE BEACH!

He said...

"If we ever had a child, we'd win big because of you."

Friday, March 09, 2007

the IRS rant

If your a tax payer, you probably have had problems with tax season at some point in your life. THIS point in my life i'm ready to send very strongly worded emails to the devils in the IRS office. (i won't say kill for fear they might mistake that for an actual threat and lock me up in Gitmo)

My frustration stems from the fact that it is tax season in the USA and as a citizen i'm required to file. As an ex-pat, it means i've got to file special forms. Can i find these special forms? no. the IRS website works at being the most unhelpful help page on the web. (although i just found out that they have yet to win the award for most unhelpful...they are still trying) While it lists overseas contacts for help in filing your taxes, they fail to give an email address ONLY PHONE NUMBERS! that wouldn't be so bad IF THEY LISTED IN THIS COUNTRY!

So not only can i not get help from the unhelpful bastards. i can not find the damn forms for filing either. I'm about ready to tell those sons of bitches to burn in hell and they can eat my tax return.


but that is just my first reaction...i'll probably cool down later and feel much warmer towards them when the fire dies out of my eyes and i rip the head off my IRS dolls.


I stole this strip off my sister. I thought it was just too funny.

Back at Ya

Spend much time with me and you'll find yourself getting an earful about social injustice and how frustrating it is to watch the "big dogs" run amuck around the world. (i know they don't always run amuck, but it feels like they are doing more than their fair share recently)

This year, like many other years, the US released a report on the state of human rights around the world. They carefully listed various countries as being "main" contributors to human rights violations...China was at the top of that list.

In response (the same response its had for the last several years) China released its own human rights report...but it focuses specifically on the USA. The report listed a host of domestic and foreign abuses of power and blatant white-bias in the criminal system. It also noted that according to the US' own census, 1 in 8 Americans live in poverty.

Of course, the American report was delivered to the United States citizens and the report by the Chinese was delivered to its citizens. Both being careful not to listen too closely to the other side's facts. Hurray for the propaganda of the nations. As long as 'we' can prove someone else it worse than we are, no one has to change anything.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

a whale of a time...(sorry, that really was too corny)

Studies have just come out that whales have accents. Depending on where in the ocean the whale is from will determine what sort of accent it has.

Apparently whales that reside near the American content pronounce their 'r's in songs harshly, while those near Japan have a hard pronouncing them at all. Those residing in the Southern hemisphere near Australia and New Zealand seem to have a much slower song. (although there does seem to be subtle difference between the whales to the west of New Zealand and those to the East. It appears that the western ones mock the accent of those in the East. It is still unclear as to the exact reason for this occurrence) It was also noted that many of the Whales coming from the Wales area in the Northern Hemisphere were well pronounced and sang songs in perfect pitch. It was also noted that the male heir of this group was surprisingly skinny and nearly hairless...he did make up for it by having two large fins, however.

(if this didn't make any sense to you at all...its late, it may not make sense to me in the morning either)

The doctor

Have you ever been referred to someone and after you met them decided you really didn't like them? I heard about a woman whose medical insurance referred her to a doctor for her young daughter's ear infection. Upon seeing the woman's piercing and tattoos, the doctor refused to see or treat her child.

Talk about the sins of the in this case.

The doctor had a set of rules about appearance which he had based upon his Christian beliefs. These rules included no tats, body piercings, or chewing of gum. I think somewhere along the line, i missed the part of the Christian belief system that included excluding people in need....but i obviously REALLY missed the whole part about not chewing gum...damn! i guess i'm damned to hell for sure now!


Today i'm messing around with my favourite program in the world, photoshop. Here is what i've done so far today:

(keep checking back, because i'm going to keep posting them as i do them.)

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Super Relgious groups

Yesterday i met, via phone, my speaker for 28 March. (if your going to be in the area, you must come!) Gabi is a member of Jews for Jesus. Jews for Jesus is a religous group of Jews who have come to realise that Jesus is the Saviour that they have been waiting for.

I am a Seventh-day Adventist. Next to a Jewish person, we appear to be very similar. We see Sabbath as sun-down friday to sun-down saturday. We both refrain from eating 'unclean' foods such as Pork. We both believe that Jesus was and is the Christ, our Salvation from sin.

So why don't we merge together, form a super religous group? umm...actually i think there is enough super religous groups out there. so maybe we'll just skip that thought.

There is so much i love about the Jewish tradition, though. i love the way Passover is celebrated. i love all the symbolism and flair that each food group is given. i love the different feasts, there seems to be so much celebration in Biblical Judaism.

I think that is why i'm so excited about Gabi coming to visit. He is speaking about Jesus in the Passover service. I am looking forward to seeing again how Jesus is pointed to in Passover. If your in the area, come and see for yourself!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

what make you a "girl"?

The following is a test that is supposed to determine how 'girly' you are. Being that my score was somewhere around 20 i had to question the validity of this test. I mean, i checked! I'm definitely a girl! This is supposed to determine how much of a girl i am? Apparently genitals don't do a good enough job.

It honestly offends me that someone can decide that small dogs are more feminine' than big dogs. This test encourages stereotypes that are not true of all women, or even most of the women i know! So this of course lead me to my ultimate question:

The Barbie Test.

[] You own over 10 bottles of nail polish
[] You own a designer purse
[] You own perfume that cost over $60
[] You had/have fake nails
[] You have more body/hair products than you can use
[] Your pet is a chihuahua/Pomeranian/Yorkshire Terrier/Siamese
[] You have clothes/shoes/accessories for your pet
[] You have enough clothes to cover an entire refugee camp.
[] You have enough pictures to create your own wallpaper.
[] A pink comforter, carpeting, walls or sheets.

Do you:
[] Spend more time at the mall than you do at home/work
[] Have a hair color that is not your natural color
[] Have "blonde moments" at least once a day
[] Buy stuff because it's awesome and then never wear it
[] Constantly keep your phone at your side
[] Dance around in your room when nobody else is home
[] Have a name for your car
[] Know what celebrity is dating who and who broke up this week
[} Refuse to go out in public without makeup
[] Prefer to be called 'princess'
Total So Far:

[] Makeup
[] Glitter
[] The Color Pink
[] Shopping
[] Jewelry
[] Mirrors
[] Chick flicks
[] Shoes
[] Unicorns
[] Disney Movies
[] Candles
[] Flowers
[] Stuffed Animals
[] Purses
Total So Far:

[] Coach
[] Forever 21
[] Victoria's Secret
[] Guess?
[] Claire's
[] Express
[] Delias
[] MAC
[] Sephora
[] Bebe
Total So Far:

[] Biotch
[] Whatever
[] Oh my gosh/god/goodness
[] Hun
[] Fugly
[] That's hot
[] Dunzo
[] Darling
[] Psh
[] Cutie
[] Hottie
[] Skank
[] Totally
[] For Sure
[] Fabulous
Total So Far:

Do You Read:
[] Cosmopolitan or cosmogirl
[] Glamour
[] Marie Claire
[] Elle Girl or seventeen
[] Teen Vogue
[] People
[] Us Weekly
[] Star
[] Self
[] Pink Is The New
Total So Far:

Do You Love These:
[] Legally Blonde
[] Elizabethtown
[] Mean Girls
[] Now & Then
[] The Notebook
[] A Walk to Remember
[] Sweet Home Alabama
[] Where the Heart is
[] Just my luck
[] John Tucker Must Die
[] Centerstage
[] Bring it On
[] How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
[] Mona Lisa Smile
[] My Girl
Total So Far:

Are you Addicted to...
[] America's Next Top Model
[] Project Runway-was until I don't have that channel here!!
[] Desperate Housewives
[] The Simple Life
[] 8th & Ocean
[] Sex & the City
[] Grey's Anatomy
[] The O.C.
[] Laguna Beach/The Hills
[] Nip/Tuck
[] Gilmore Girls


POST AS: i am __% barbie

Monday, March 05, 2007


You've probably done this before, so i won't ask you to do it right now, but think back to the last time you looked at yourself totally naked in the mirror.

If your female your reaction was probably "yep, that's me. my ____ are too fat and I've got a HUGE _______. If only ______________"

If your male it was probably, "yep. still a god."

The thing is, there is nothing particularly erotic about a seen-in-full-light naked body. If you don't believe me, go search Google for naked corps. (please don't really do that. or if you do, don't tell me you did. it will scare me) The thing that makes nakedness sexy is the the situation and the person.

If your in a sexual relationship, you'll find that your partner can be very erotic naked...even in full unflattering light. Its about the person...not just the genitals.

So here is the real rant part of this blog (you knew it was coming). it really bothers me that Hollywood films keep over sensationalising nakedness. If someone is naked, the camera zoomed in close on the well oiled/tanned body and the slow movements of the body. THAT IS NOTHING LIKE REAL LIFE!

when someone gets naked in real life, the other person's eyes don't suddenly zoom in close to way his back arches. Nor does time slow down so you can closely study the way her legs slowly move.

Now i know the reason this style was originally created was to get around the censors board. (They aren't actually showing any genitals, so its okay.) But I think the reason this style continues is people like to be turned on. it feels good...or at least it does for a short time. Until you realise that the stuff your getting fed is completely hollow. It makes the real thing seem less exciting.

So in short, I'm sick of the sensationalism of nakedness. If you want to be naked on screen, fine. be naked. but don't try to convince me that you are sssooooooooooo sexy and the sensation is ssssssooooooo amazing. cause I'm just about ready to hurl.

news or no news

I remember in High School two of my teachers saying they refused to watch the news at night because of how awful it all was. At the time that seemed fair. If you don't like whats being said, don't listen to it.

Now graduated from College, i don't go more than 10 hours without watching or reading the news. No, the news is not any better than it was in High School, but i feel uninformed if i don't. Most of it is terrible news...some times it is down right offencive. Yet i still watch.

The thing is, it really does bother me to watch our world crumble...or at least appear to. I'm not effected directly by wars, politics, or disasters; not yet at least. But i know that is changing. Climate change is effecting Australia, as is ozone damage...all this directly affect me. From how often i put on sunscreen to how much water i use to wash my dishes or water my plants. It makes me wonder when the other issues are going to creep into my world. It seems only a matter of time before my life becomes directly entangled with the world politics. (or maybe this is my religious paranoia)

It feels like an inevitable car crash. you can see the car coming towards you. You can't avoid the crash. Do you watch with morbid fascination as it comes towards you? or do you close your eyes and hope it goes away of its own accord?

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Beach Day

On one of the hottest days in several months, we decided to head to the beach and cool off. We jumped in the waves, (i nearly lost my swimmers) and then we started our masterpiece sculpture.

feel free to admire and be in awe of our skills!

click here for the riveting moving picture version.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

The Princess Bride

If i've been lax in posting recently its because i've been engaged in reading one of my favourite books, The Princess Bride. I am always amazed at Goldman's ablity to create a fictional world that mirrors the real so closely you believe it to be true. (by this i'm making reference to his continual notes on the 'original' work by S. Morgenstern, a completely fictional author)

I love the books play on words, its beauty in irony. I love it all. Let me give you a sample from the book:

"Your father has had his annual physical," the Count said. "I have the report."
"Your father is dying."
"Drat!" said the Prince. "That means I shall have to get married."

now don't stampede to get to the library to get yourself a copy.

"A princess bride personality test!"

You are Valerie. You're not a witch, you're miracle Max's wife. Excitable, effervescent and tough as old boots, you love to point out other peoples' shortcomings and it amuses you to bring things up in conversation that others would rather forget! Deep down though you do have a heart and care about your loved ones, which is why you nag so much!
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Lily Allen's "Knock 'Em Out"

Alright so this is a song about anyone, it could be anyone.
You're just doing your own thing and some one comes out the blue,
They're like,
What ya saying,
"Yeah can I take your digits?"
And you're like, "no not in a million years, you're nasty
please leave me alone."

Cut to the pub on a lads night out,
Man at the bar cos it was his shout,
Clocks this bird and she looks OK,
Caught him looking and she walks his way,
"Alright darling, you gonna buy us a drink then?"
"Err no, but I was thinking of buying one for your friend..."

She's got no taste hand on his waist, tries to pull away but her lips on his face,
"If you insist I'll have a white wine spritzer"
"Sorry love, but you ain't a pretty picture."

Can't knock em out, can't walk away,
Try desperately to think of the politest way to say,
Just get out my face, just leave me alone,
And no you can't have my number,
Because I've lost my phone.

Oh yeah, actually yeah I'm pregnant, having a baby in like 6 months so no, yeah, yeah...

"I recognise this guy's way of thinking..."
As he comes over her face starts sinking,
She's like,
"Oh here we go.."
It's a routine check that she already knows, she's thinking they're all the same.

"Yeah you alright baby? You look alright still, yeah what's your name?"
She looks in her bag, takes out a fag, tries to get away from the guy on a blag, can't find a light,
"Here use mine"
"You see the thing is I just don't have the time."


Go away now, let me go,
Are you stupid? Or just a little slow?
Go away now I've made myself clear,
Nah it's not gonna happen,
Not in a a million years,

[Chorus x2]

Nah I've gotta go cos my house is on fire,
I've got herpes, err no I've got syphilis...
AIDS, AIDS, I've got AIDS!