Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Poetry for the kid-at-heart

Forgotten Language
by:Shel Silverstein

Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly
in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions
of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying
flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers. . . .
How did it go?
How did it go?

Monday, July 30, 2007

Demotivators






More demotivators can be found here

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Career Change


After a conversation with Adele, i think I've decided to change professions. I feel that perhaps my true calling in life was not to be a two bit wanna-be writer, but instead to exceed these limited boundaries, expand into a career far more demeaning with a significant pay packet. The new profession? Drama Queen Advisor to the Stars!

I have all the talents for it. I have the ability to get along with difficult people (I've got along with myself for years now), i have millions of great ideas for getting out of trouble, PLUS i have the added advantage of being able to help the stars make money out of their social mishaps.

Picture this: Paris Hilton gets booked for a DUI. With my advice she checks herself into rehab, never truly intending to kick any of her bad habits (but the perception that she intents to kick the habit helps the public to feel sorry for her), and when she emerges after a 2 hour stint and the media flock to her to get the latest report, she gracefully tells all with a Coca Cola, or a Paddlepop in her hand. For every following press conference or media hound, she is always present with the same product, thus providing almost constant coverage of a product. The company of the product pays a small fee to help the star through the myriad of difficulties that will obviously ensue when you already have too much money and not enough responsibility.

See?! I'm a genius! damn...now that I've posted this some smart ass is going to steal my ideas and make millions off it! WELL GUESS WHAT SUCKER? I'VE COPYRIGHTED THIS WHOLE POST!

(copyrighted July 2007)

SO THERE!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

A fairy tale

Once upon a time there was a girl who spent too much time surfing the Information Super Highway. She spent so much time in this strange place that she began to actually believe some of the high way signs. Signs that said:

Get a bigger Penis NOW!
and
Buy your drugs online!

She found these signs uninteresting mostly because her IQ was over 10...plus she didn't have a penis. But what she did begin to believe was that the virtual world...was safe.

This belief led her to say things that she would never normally tell strangers. She told them her favourite colour, the names of all her family members. Then she began to tell them quite personal things such as her phone number, address, and bank account number.

At first nothing happened, but then as time went on and all the bad people got together to discuss stupid people on the Info Highway, her name came up! This led to a mass invasion of her privacy and soon, there were bugs in her bank account...and her family members names were reposted on other people's sites...AND MOCKED!!!

She was so distraught over not having complete control over her information, that she closed her website down, moved to a secret hide-away place, and started muttering to herself.

The moral of this story is: don't drink soft drinks and expect to come up with morals.

THE END
In the language best understood by animals and all employees:

GRRRRRR

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

what the?

While reading trashy news online i came accross this photo.

i just have one little question about this photo: where did the white leg come from?

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Death


I'm possibly one of the very few liberals who believes in the death sentence. I know its disturbing and gut wrenching, but i believe that in extreme cases a death sentence is appropriate. I do NOT believe it should be handed out like candy, however.

Today I've been researching the death sentence in the united states and I've come across some thing that has made me turn cold. In GW Bush's five years as Governor of Texas, there were 131 executions. The highest number in the united states. During this time there was only 1 prisoner was granted a commuting of sentence (that from death to life in prison). And that came about at the same time he was running for president AND it was proven in the media that even though this man had confessed to the murder he wasn't even in the same state at the time of it.

In his list of conquests, Bush has executed a man who committed a crime when he was 16 (a juvenile and is prohibited under international law), a mentally handicapped man, and a woman who had so clearly changed her jailers requested a commuting of her sentence. All of these people are dead now. and if that isn't enough to cause you to pause, maybe this is.

In the weeks before the execution, Bush says, a number of protesters came to Austin to demand clemency for Karla Faye Tucker. "Did you meet with any of them?" I ask. Bush whips around and stares at me. "No, I didn't meet with any of them", he snaps, as though I've just asked the dumbest, most offensive question ever posed. "I didn't meet with Larry King either when he came down for it. I watched his interview with Tucker, though. He asked her real difficult questions like, 'What would you say to Governor Bush?'" "What was her answer?" I wonder. "'Please,'" Bush whimpers, his lips pursed in mock desperation, "'don't kill me.'" I must look shocked — ridiculing the pleas of a condemned prisoner who has since been executed seems odd and cruel — because he immediately stops smirking.
taken from Talk Magazine (September 1999, p. 106).

Perhaps what makes me the most angry is the article that conducted research into the legal system in Texas. It found that those being tried were not being adequately represented. Out of the 131 people sentenced to death, one third of all defence lawyers were later sacked for being bad lawyers. In 40 cases defence lawyers presented no evidence.

In case your saying that all this sounds sad, but these were criminals and deserved what they got, well, they may not have been criminals. Without adequate lawyers to help defend them, they were railroaded to meet a quota. Is this really the sort of legal system we want to support?

sources:
Anthony Lewis
Karla Faye Tucker- Wikipedia

Death in Texas

Public Transport Tips


Apparently, some people don't understand unspoken codes of conduct when using public tranportation. So i've created a quick tips section to help those hapless blonds make it to their pimps via the bus rout.

1. Dress in whatever skany outfit you want, but where a sweater over the top so as not to distract the driver...cause he'll throw you off if you do.
2. Have as much jewlery as you desire. Bling it out baby....but keep it all in your purse until you reach your destination. But don't wear it because it might distract the driver...and he'll throw you off if you do.
3. Big hair is cool for certain occasions...but if you need to take the bus, plan on an extra 30 minutes and phoof up your hair in the public restroom WHEN YOU REACH YOUR DESTINATION. becuase if you distract the driver...he'll throw you off.

everybody clear?

Friday, July 13, 2007

to wonder


The wind is blowing and a cold breeze continues to tickle the back of my neck as i sit and ponder the wonders of today. While skies are blue and few clouds mare the beauty of the sky, i wonder what life is like on the other side.

Citizens from all religions are now lining up to give me a description of what awaits me in the after life, while scientists are grabbing their illustrated books of the stars.

But i want none of it. As a true child of the post-modern generation i want to experience it. There is no account that is worth anything unless it is experienced. Determining if it is good or bad, what its merits are and how it will react to me all hinge on my experiences.

I can hear the theologians beginning to mumble. The scientists can't find a measurement for this. Each discredits.

and i am left alone to wonder.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Terror alert


Damn! i hate it when my life suddenly becomes threatened by forces that come out of the middle east.

It appears a new terrorist has joined forces with mother nature to strike fear into the heart of all things dead.

Thats right. Badgers are plotting activities that lead them to consuming human flesh...so far they've only prayed on the dead, but its only a matter of time before their little tummies begin to crave live flesh...i've seen Dracula, i know how this works.

If you think i'm making this up...well think AGAIN!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Top five untruthes

5. Paris Hilton Interview (we'll count the entire interview as one lie...it saves me from wading thru her minor actual truthes and skipping right to the good stuff)

4. Every person's IQ is 'above average'....except for that one gay down the street with weird colour lights on his house and the strange cat...he's definately below.

3. Worth1000.com uses only real photos sent in by concerned citizens of the net

2. Every speach by US President Bush...we count them all in the same go...for the same reason as number 5.

1. Computer games brainwash the masses....(okay the brainwashing part might be true)

Friday, July 06, 2007

Youth culture


I read an article today about how youth in australia shouldn't have the right to vote because they don't know enough about politics. It used their fashion sense, modern television shows, and the fact they occassionally wear Che Guevara on t-shirts as proof that they were mindless children.

How anyone could decide that an entire generation is unfit for voting based on current trends is infuriating. If we judged every generation on theses sorts of things, than no one would ever be allowed to do anything! can we 'subjective'?

I am proud when i see youth wearing Che t-shirts. while i know that they probably don't know the full history behind the face, it makes me hope that they are wearing it to express their desire for cultural freedom. As most political forces, Che has blood on his hands. But what political force doesn't? He stands as an icon for youth-power, cultural freedom, marxism (although this has lost much of its potency) and mixed in with all this there is a hint of bitter defeat. While his life fought, in the end he died without ever seeing his full dream come true.

Its true that most of the television on tv i find trite at best, it doesn't mean that i think all who watch them are without the ablity to think critically. Each reality tv show that asks you to vote, makes the watcher think critically about the contestants.

Fashion, while somewhat a repeat of 1990s, is no more a factor of intellegence than what sort of soap they use. Every generation looks back at photos of what they wore when they were X years old and cringes. Its almost a right of passage in life, to see the fashion you used to wear and wonder what you were thinking.

The youth have just as much right to vote and make mistakes in their votes as anyone else. How else to we expect them to learn and grow into positive members of the country? If we don't allow this, we run the risk of going back to the ways of our forefathers and only allowing white men who own land to vote.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Furious


Okay, this is a soap box i get on a lot and i know that most of you are probably sick of hearing me rag on and on about how people can be so callous, but when i found this in the news today i just snapped!

A woman, who had been stabbed in a convenience store, was walked around/over while shoppers continued to get their food. She later died of her injuries. Why didn't people stop to help her!? there was no apparent danger from helping her, there was nothing but a dying woman on the floor and apparently all the people could think to do was take a picture of her!

Now it may be that the news from the states gets more press coverage than other places, but in the last few weeks there has been multiple stories from the USA about people watching while someones life is on the line. There seems to be a growing trend right now in the states to stand back and watch the violence...even if you could stop it.

If that doesn't disturb you, you need to check yourself into a mental institution right away.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Ratatouille


Ratatouille was the number one at the boxoffice in the States this last weekend. while it didn't do as well as Cars did when it opened, it still did quite respectably.

It is currently recieving a 9/10 rating on IMDB.com.

It uses voices from


can i just say: I WANT TO SEE THIS MOVIE!!

Monday, July 02, 2007

Billboards

I enjoy checking out Popaganda.com every now and again. The artist, Ron English, puts up these billboards illegally. The following are three of his billboards.




Alone or just crazed?


If you like conspiracy theories, Roswell has probably surfaced on your radar once or twice. In the wake of the new information being released this week, one can't help but smile quietly and wonder what is really going on.

If you're unfamiliar with Roswell New Mexico, lets give a brief history. In the 1940s there was a crash. A first,the US military claimed they'd captured a flying disk, but twenty four hours later, they changed the story to a recovery of a weather balloon. However, all pieces of the crash were confiscated from any witnesses and there were disappearances linked with the findings of the crash and "bodies".

Last year, the PR officer for the military in Roswell (at the time of this crash) Lieutenant Walter Haut, died. In his will he left a sworn affidavit saying that there had been aliens that crashed and he had seen the bodies and was part of a massive cover up. While during his life, he always seemed to play down his role at the time and never claimed to see bodies or know of any "alien crash", it seems he changed his tune at the end of his life. either that or someone else did it for him.

This is the type of evidence that gets conspiracy theorist going. There is an obvious mystery here. Some could consider this affidavit proof enough that something extra-terrestrial visited earth, others need a bit more proof. Me? i just wonder why the aliens can't seem to be bothered to take an interview with Barbra Walters or Larry King...i mean, even Paris Hilton managed to get an interview with them. it would definitely be a step towards full belief if we could get an in-depth interview going.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Wedding pictures

Don't you love it when a wedding full of appropriate symobls?






Click here for more pictures