Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Have you ever noticed that magazines are always asking celebrities what the secret to a long and happy marriage is? What is it about celebrities that makes us think they will have the answers? They are celebrities! Their marriages last all of 10 minutes.

Sometimes magazines decide to get "serious" and bring in "experts" on the subject. Ever read their advice? "Do this and he'll love you forever." or "Try this position in bed and he'll be your bedroom slave for a month!" Isn't there more to a relationship then sex?

The church doesn't seem to have any better answers. When inquiring minds ask, they are told that sex belongs in marriage. It is a wonderful answer, too bad it doesn't answer the question. I want some practicality. What is the balance between physical intimacy and an intimate friendship? If there isn't a balance how do you juggle the two? The church's favourite answer to this seems to be, "wait until marriage to explore this." This doesn't help in a practical way because holding hands, hugging, and even tickling are all part of a physical intimacy. If I were to go strictly by what the church says, I would not be touching at all. I don't think I've met a pastor, teacher, or church officer who has not done any of these things before marriage.

I guess my complaint is that there has been so many people who have gone before me. They have the experience. They have the spiritual walk with God to balance their response. They should know how it is supposed to work. They can tell me where the lines, balances, and juggling occurs. So why is it that drawing this information out is so difficult?

Sunday, November 23, 2003

i was reciently told about this game. I've only started playing but it is fun. Feel the power so i thought i would let you all in on it as well. If you want to read up on my country, my nation's name is The Queendom of Narnia Citizens Enjoy!

Thursday, November 20, 2003

I was just informed that Auburn Adventist Academy had a fire last tuesday. The fire was located in the women's dormitory but no cause as to the reason for the fire has yet been found. 83 female students lived there included overseas students. These women lost everything they had in the fire, passports, visas, clothes, sentimental items, books, everything.

My heart goes out to them. It is not easy to lose everything like that. It is difficult enough to live out of a suitcase for a few days, to live with only the clothes on your back or what someone else gives you must be trying, to put it mildly.

I remember when the Boise Valley Adventist School burned down, (my school for years 2-5) I remember wondering what we were going to do for school now that the building was in smoldering ashes. I don't know what I would have done if my house had burned. My pictures, my papers, my memorabilia, my computer. There is just too much stuff that could not be replaced. I don't know how well I would cope with that.

Monday, November 17, 2003

I'm quite agitated. I feel like I haven't had the chance to do anything in the last month that would stimulate my thinking. I have been at a loss for a good discussion how media controls lives or how Hollywood is turning into a big production company for independent films. I need inspiration to strike. I want to suddenly have an idea that I just can't sit around and wait for it to go away. I want to DO something. Make something happen. Throw all my energy into something and stop worrying about smaller points of interest. I want more out of my life.

Is it wrong to say this? To demand that life is more then friends, boyfriend, and school? Does it trample on people's toes that I feel this way? I would be willing to say yes to all of these things but I've past the point of desperation, the point of caring. Something has to change. I don't know how to change it, I'm just sending a message into the middle of the busy super-highway and hoping it doesn't get killed. Kinda futile effort, wouldn't you say? It is, but it is all for the small, minute chance that something will change.

Friday, November 14, 2003

Okay, I've done enough with the sex stuff and to be honest I haven't done anything with the drugs and rocknroll recently. However, as of tomorrow, I will be attending a Christian Youth Rally so both of these points could be remedied.

On a slightly different note, Chris has me reading a book called High Fidelity. I can hardly put it down. If you liked the movie (like dad did) then the book is well worth the read. It puts an interesting perspective on what men think. [end promo for book]

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

I know it is only a matter of time before someone tells me that i don't publish enough stuff on my blogsite. Therefore, i'm thwarting their rebukes by posting something. It isn't much, i'll admit, but it at least it will cover three basic points.

1. Sex
2. Drugs
3. Rock'n' roll, BABY!!

Now that those points have been covered, i leave them to you to ponder.

Wednesday, November 05, 2003

I have recently come accross some new and interesting sites and been reintroduced to some old favourites. Check out Kosher and The Never Ending Fight on the damah site. Both are short films that are worth the 3-5 minutes to watch. There are several music video sites up now as well...I can't vouch for every video but most of the ones i have seen have been pretty good. Enjoy!

Monday, November 03, 2003

I have been sitting here for quite some time trying to think of something profound to say. But the truth is, i have nothing to say. I have no great bit of wisdom to pass on to the masses. My mind is not blank, but is full of meaningless drivel that i would not presume to impose upon my eager readers. I will, however, attempt to bring to life a question that has been raised by a few who have read my essay. The question is, "am i advocativing pre-marital sex?"

It does seem that pre-marital sex is not really banned in the Bible for men. But times have changed. There is now a (supposed) equality of the sexes. So we will assume that whatever is okay for a man is okay for a woman. (this does not mean that we, as women, WANT to do every thing that is okayed for men to do, but that it is possible)

It has been said that fornication is often mentioned and heavily discouraged by God (or the writers of the Bible, depending on how you look at it). While this is true, fornication is nearly always in reference to pagan worship or whoring. Both of these big no-nos in jewish society. And although we no longer live in Jewish society, i think these two no-nos can still apply.

If we turn our attentions to stories and what they tell us about pre-marital sex, we can come away with some interesting pictures. Some, like the story of Esther, show us a positive outcome of sex. Others like David and Bathesheba give us negative ones. But there is a HUGE difference in the stories. David gets into trouble for having sex with Bathesheba, not because he is married but because SHE is married. SO what would have happened if she wasn't married? then what? would he have just let her become part of his haram? would he have even married her? would he have needed to??

The thing is, though, even if you let yourself believe that pre-marital sex is okayed in the Bible, you are still left with real life. In real life pre-marital sex is dangerous. Yes, i know there are millions of ways to prevent this and that...but you could end up with any number of STIs (the old term is STDs) or worse! you (if you are female) could end up pregnant!!! YIKES! So for me, the whole issue of "will i or won't i" comes back to, what is going to be the best for me physically? and WIll it effect my relationship with God positively or negatively?? Those are the questions that have me chosing a life of abstinence.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

It has been brought to my attention that i have not been posting enough stuff on the blogsite. So therefore i'm posting my Esther essay that i have spent so much time working on. It isn't quite finished (mostly references need to be fixed) but it is something i found truely enjoyable doing. Feel free to rip it to shreds on the tagboard. If you do it soon enough, i might even be able to change a few things before i turn it in....
Young Christian girls all over the world have been told the story of Esther. For generation upon generation these same girls are taught to aspire to be like her, but the full story of her life is not told in its entirety. There are three main areas in the story of Esther that need examining more fully before the Christian world puts Esther up on a pedestal. The first is that God is left out completely from the book of Esther. Secondly is that sex is a common theme that runs through the entire book. Thirdly, that Vashti was not “the bad queen”.

Most people know that references to God in the book of Esther are non-existent, at least in a blatantly obvious sense. It is amazing, however, that this fact is often left out when there is a re-telling of this story. God is often put into the story, when in the Bible version His voice is left silent. Why is His voice silent? Authorities seem to have few answers for this. “Though God’s name does not appear in the entire book, His providence is manifest throughout.” (The Seventh-day Adventist Bible Commentary: 1976 p.461) Some would argue that the reason God is left out is because it was being a little truer to what normal human life is like. On a daily basis, humans don’t know what God is planning or what He is currently doing in our lives. Humans can not see it straight away. This leaves mankind with a feeling that He isn’t there at all. The story of Esther deals with that as well, however. Although He isn’t mentioned, it is easy to get the feeling that He is moving events behind the scenes. It is most evident threw Mordecai’s words to Esther, “Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14b) God isn’t mentioned but one can almost feel that Mordecai is the voice of consciousness, proclaiming and reminding God is still working. When God is thrust into this story, His every day use is lost. The story is seen as another Bible story that doesn’t have much every day use. When the story is told as it is written in the Bible, the realization that God does not have to be mentioned or directly shown to still be powerful becomes clear.

To children, Bible stories are often devoid of sex unless sex is shown in a bad light. If God created sex, then shouldn’t the parts of the Bible that show sex in a positive light be told to children? The simple answer by most, is no. Starting from the Catholic church all the way to present day Christians, the church has held that sex is only valid inside a marriage. They then quietly add to that statement that sex, however, shouldn’t be enjoyed even in that arrangement. Esther’s ascent to the throne causes some serious problems with the traditional Christian way of thinking. “Then the king‘s servants who attended him said: let beautiful young virgins be sought for the king; and let the king appoint officers in all the provinces of his kingdom, that they may gather all the beautiful young virgins to Shushan the citadel, into the women‘s quarters, under the custody of Hegai the king’s eunuch custodian of the women. And let beauty preparations be given them. Then let the young woman who pleases the king be queen instead of Vashti. This thing pleased the king, and he did so.” (Esther 2:2-4) “In the evening [the young women] went [to the king], and in the morning she returned to the second house of the women, to the custody of Shaashgaz, the king’s eunuch who kept the concubines. She would not go in to the king again unless the king delighted in her and called for her by name.” (Esther 2:14) Esther’s rise to the throne was the direct result of her ability to give the king the best orgasm. What is worse there seems to be no negative results of her out-of-marriage sexual encounter. The story of David and Bathsheeba is often told to young children, while the story of Esther, in its sexual entirety, is not. The simple reason for this is, the light that sex is shown in. David and Bathsheeba is considered almost safe for a young audience because of the results of David’s actions. There is a definite, “look at what sex did to David’s life” message that young children are expected to get out of the story. It has been suggested that this is a vain, old-fashioned theory that if children are indoctrinated with the concept that sex results in bad things, they will avoid it. (J. Fautheree, personal communication, 2001) Most young adults, however, would easily rebuff this idea as fanciful at best.

In modern Christian society, Esther, as a Jew, is looked on as a moral icon. Most children stories claim she came to the throne by winning a beauty contest or they leave out how she got to the throne completely (Peretti:2002). While she was described as beautiful in the Bible, her beauty is not what got her into the position of queen. Some critics have gone so far as to say that Esther didn’t want to be queen. She didn’t want to have sex with the Pagan king (Papus: 19??). This is totally erroneous. The Bible gives no indication that she resisted the king’s command at all. The fact that she is the one that the king remember suggest that she was the best in the art of sex, which suggests that she didn’t have reserves about sex with the king. What is lost by not including this? Telling a small child of the age four that Esther won a beauty contest and therefore became queen is not true, yet the dilemma lays in the question, can you tell a child that young about the sex involved? The solution would seem to be not to tell the child the story of Esther until they are older, say nine for example. Then when the story is told all portions of it can be explained. While some would argue that telling children Bible stories that included sex in such a context would be harmfully exposing, others would argue that telling children lies in order to “protect them” is worse.

Vashti is another element of the story of Esther that is often misrepresented. If a survey could be done to find out what people think of Vashti, the general Christian population would have a negative response. She is seen as the bad queen. Why? The usual story is that she didn’t obey the king, therefore she was kicked out of his presence. She is therefore forever labelled, “the bad queen”. It isn’t true. She had her own party to attend to. The king was drunk and was asking her to appear before a crowd of drunk men, wearing only a crown. Her refusal was courageous (Bach, 1997). She chose to take a path that was almost unheard of in the Persia and Media empire. As a direct result of her courageous actions, Esther is able to come into queenship. In traditional retellings of the story, however, Esther is given the praise for courage and Vashti is given no honour at all. It is interesting that Vashti seems to hold all the honour and respectability that Christians have typically superimposed upon Esther, such as sexual morality, courage, and personal integrity. So what is lost if the story is told with all glory going to Esther? Simply that the story turns into a fairytale. The beautiful girl gets the man, the power, and the virtues; the other girl gets nothing. Children should not be taught that life and favour are only given to the beautiful. The job of the adults is to make sure that children understand that virtues and honour can be held by those who don’t win first prize, who don’t have the best looks, and who aren’t of any certain nationality.

In conclusion, the story of Esther does lose something when it is not told as the Bible tells it. A portion of its reality is lost. The ability to see a reflection of today’s society in the story is not there because the story has been made into a fairytale, or Princess Diana type story. The ‘nitty gritty’ of life is taken out and is replaced by the good king influenced by the bad minister and the beautiful girl getting the good king. (Goldmann, 1964, p392-397) When the story is told the way the Bible tells it, flippant virtues are taken out and in their place real life concepts are set up. Ideas such as sex can be enjoyed without shame, honour is held by more than the beautiful, and God is very powerful even when not blatantly present, are all able to be seen. The next time the decision must be made of how to relate this story to children, adults, or oneself, the words of Christ should be remembered, “the truth will set you free”.

Monday, October 27, 2003

Today i feel like spouting poetry. I don't know why. I don't even particularly like poetry most of the time....but today seems like a day to spout sonnets. I think it comes from last night. I got reading Shakespeare which led to a book of poetry which led to me writing horriby sappy things. I thought that i would wake up in the morning and be over it but unfortunately...i'm not. I still have "how do i love thee" in my head along with "my love is like a red red rose". You guys know me...how like me does this sound?! What is wrong with me??? (and i know that most of you will immediately reply, "she's in love"....but i hardly think that qualifies me for poetry gushing)

So now the question is, how do i get rid of it? i suppose i could change my mind set but i fear that would only cause me to jump some poor blue-eyed boy. So maybe i'll just stick with my sickeningly sweet poety. Maybe i'll even get courageous and write some of my own. "With your eyes you have pierced me"....(that was for you Mel)....anyway...i'm off to go beat my mind into submission. love you all heaps!

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

No Sex

For we possess pure and noble minds that contemplate the fundamental interconnectedness of the universe and various and sundry other issues on a much higher plane, seeking to stimulate the mind and only the mind.

thanks jenne

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Temptation is one of those strange things that i never have quite understood. Why is it that one thing is a temptation at one time, but in a totally different setting the same thing wouldn't even faze you? How is it that some times the temptation appears stronger than you are and at other times is hardly noticed? Why is it so hard to resist it when it is strong? what makes it strong?

I constantly tell myself that all my temptations (eg, sex drugs, and rocknroll) are permissable at certain times. I just have to wait for those 'certain times' to allow myself the indulgance.

Have you ever heard of the child and the marshmellow test? It is a test where the child is told that they can have one marshmellow now or they can wait until the adult returns and get two. The child is then left there with the marshmellow sitting in front of him or her and they must chose. If you were the child, what would you do?

I know what the correct response is, but honestly it seems to be getting harder by the minute. Where is God in all this? Isn't He supposed to keep me in check? or maybe i'm pushing too much blame onto Him. Maybe i'm just not allowing Him in enough to keep me balanced.

I think that the latter is true. I'm not sure how to give all these temptations over to Him and let Him teach me how to deal with them. I know there is a way...i just need to find it.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

My semi-deep thought for the day was stolen from multiple people, including but not limited to, Jenne and Melody. What if God is just a figment of my imagination? What if I’m following something that is not really there? Is God only a small part of my subconscious mind?

Some one once said that just because you can’t see the wind does not mean that it doesn’t exist. In fact you can see the effects of the wind but not the wind itself. Maybe the wind doesn’t exist and the effects are just natural things that happen because that is what is intended to happen. (If I were more scientific I’m sure holes could be found in that theory) Somehow that idea doesn’t work for me even without the scientist poking holes in it.

I can’t see my parents right now. Yet, I know they exist. I know they do because they send me emails occasionally and packages (provided the mail service doesn’t stuff up). I can’t touch them, see them, taste them, hear them (no money to call home at the moment), or smell them. Believing that they don’t exist wouldn’t change their existence either. Believing that they loved me less wouldn’t change their love for me.

You get where I’m going with this? God’s existence can be doubted but it doesn’t change His existence. I believe that God is real no matter where I stand emotionally or physically with him. Believing that He doesn’t exist wouldn’t change his existence but would only chance my attitude towards life.

It is quite possible I have gotten preachy in my old age. And sadly enough it is the type of preachy that really doesn’t make sense to anyone but myself…so feel free to ignore this…it is just a statement of faith for me….

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

After days of rain and dreary skies the sun has finally come out. It is beautiful. The clear Australian sky is so easily accented by the sun. It really is too bad that I’m stuck inside working on court reports and 3t editing. Sigh….oh well…at least the windows are clean.

I just finished figuring out my class schedule for next semester. I’m excited! I get to do heaps of fun classes and only one boring class. (as opposed to this year when all my classes suck)

I still have no idea what I’m doing for summer break. I need to find a job but so far no luck. Keep me in your prayers as I figure out what to do.

Friday, October 10, 2003

It was a dark and stormy night when life suddenly became more interesting for the inhabitants of Avondale College. Mid-semester break spirit combined with the enchanting pull of spring creating a desire to either vomit or fall in love. Students who found this anomily fasinating and inadvertantly stood too close to the specticle were sucked into the void. It is assumed that they will reappear for summer or possible fall....but some say, they will never come out again....mmawwwahahahhaha!

Monday, October 06, 2003

Well, I’m back! I went to Black Stump for the weekend and found myself bored out of my mind. Mostly the music was good, but i had to man the most boring both on the site. There was something like five thousand people there and less than 2% came and even looked at our booth. The reason for this was, every other booth had multi-media, things for sale, or food. We had broachers and lollies. Grrr. Anyway, most of the time spent there was spent watching people pass us by or wondering when we were going to leave. We were scheduled to stay until Monday night, but due to rain and lack of interest, we convinced our leader to leave Sunday night.

I did manage to catch one show that was just amazing. It was called “The Opposite of Being Self-Centred”. It was a combination of dance, video, drama, and music. WOW! It really touched me. Everything tied in together so well. The acting was excellent, the dancing added such an amazingly powerful element, the video was done tastefully, and the actors….(drool). Wonderful stuff.

Anyway, the nights were freezing. It was something like –5 degrees Celsius. We are supposed to be in SUMMER here people! What the heck?! OY!…none of us were really prepared to be that cold, but we managed to survive. It really helped that in the morning, the sun would come up and it would be absolutely beautiful for several hours! Of course the rain would start at about noon and not stop til midnight, but at least we were never in danger of getting too hot.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

It is now spring here in Australia and i have a sudden urge to break out into song. "Love is in the air...." but i won't.

A quick update on what is happening in life....Today is the last day of classes. As of tomorrow, Mid-semester break starts. My plans are to go to a music festival, work my butt off, come back, veg for a day, and then try and do about 3 essays beofore i have to get back into the swing of school again. But please don't think the holidays are all work for me, i do have a few friends staying around campus. I'm quite thankful for Dieter, Chris, and Brandon's company over the holidays....well...some more than others.

Well, it is time to get back to work....so off i go...

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Someone once said that life is only as exciting as you make it. So i have chosen to make this week the most exciting i can. How am i going to do this, you ask? Quite simply actually. By only working on assignments right before they are due and then getting that rush of adrinaline as i suddenly realize that i don't have time to do the assignment at all. It is a similar feeling to looking over the edge of a cliff and wondering if your going to get dizzy and fall to your death. At least no one will ever say that i was bored.

Slightly off the topic, the weather here is terribly grey. The funny thing is, however, that its HOT. i feel like taking off all my clothes and walking around naked except i'm sure that college would get angry at me for scaring all their students away. So i guess i'll just suffer.

Friday, September 19, 2003

The weather is starting to warm up and talk of Big Camp is in the air. Mid-semester break is coming upon us all too soon. In a matter of weeks the campus will empty out of students (except those unfortunate souls who have no money to travel or home to leave to) and will fill up with stale air and long days. Students, who have been stranded on the island of cooranbong, will wonder where life has run away to. They will seek some sort of boredom relief in movies, school work, and computer games (mostly computer games and movies). However, they will find none. What will become of these poor souls? Tune in next week as Kristin discusses what SHE will do to thwart the evil Boredome Illness.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

So i'm sitting here trying to think of what in the world i am feeling. I have had so many "things" happen in the last fourty-eight hours, i feel that i should have an overwhelming feeling. I don't really. The only thing i can identify is this desire to throw-up. I think this is mostly due to unwanted attention (some guys get too touchy when they "fall in love"). But what of all the other "things"? Shouldn't i have a feeling for them too? why do i feel they aren't real? I'm not sure. I suppose that it is all a matter of perspective. My perspective is so far away i can't say for sure what is really happening.

I know i'm not making sense...That is okay...just nod your head and smile.

So what am i feeling? a combination of disgust, frustation, annoyance, self-loathing, annoyance, and and a tiny bit of hope. That list looks bad...but please don't take this list to heart too soon. I don't think that my mood will stay this way...it is only a matter of time before life changes, yet again...and everything will look different. Besides, God's here. He'll help me figure all this out.

Saturday, September 13, 2003

Last night i went to a church revival, called Hunter Harvest. It was interesting. It featured Switchfoot, Crystal Lewis, and clips from the upcoming movie The Passion. It was even introduced (via video recording) by Mel Gibson. That was great! in case you were wondering, you can't get clips of that movie on the internet yet....this was a special release. I was so impressed. it looks like it is going to be VERY well done. i can't wait to see it.

The music was good...i think i'm going to go tonight because last night was a bit tame for me and tonight is supposed to get a bit more rocky. I'm excited about that.

One last thing, i do want to ask everyone for thier prayers, i'm going thru some rough stuff right now. i won't go into it all, but i'll just say, MEN! ARG!

Friday, September 12, 2003

I took a long walk in the bush today. I went walking with 3 guys (Nick, Dieter, and Andre) and one other chick (Elisha, i think her name is). I was struck very hard by the way women re-act to eachother. She was no comfortable that i was going. That was interesting to me because i didn't realize i was a threat. The other thing i found very interesting was how the guys reacted to the tension. Dieter totally pulled away. He just didn't have anything to do with Elisha, except when she calmed down enough to be worth speaking to. In other words she was more wound up than a wind-up toy and very seldom was spoken to by Dieter. Andre tried to bounce between us. Going from me and Dieter to Elisha and Nick and back again. Nick...well...nick was oblivious to the entire ordeal. In fact, he was so absorbed in Elisha company, i don't think he even noticed i was there...hahaha!

But it was fun. I was glad i went...

Thursday, September 11, 2003

Today in class we discussed cultural differences. We looked at the original song "Waltzing Matilida", and the australians were to interpret what it meant, and then we looked at the Star Spangled Banner...and the american interpreted that. It turned into a "war". The Canadian was angry with the australians for disagreeing with him, and the australians were angry at him for being such a prick. Most of the americans wisely kept quiet...in fact, they were so quiet, they let the australians interpret the Star Spangled Banner for them...HAHAHA! This caused a riot with the canadian, not sure why. The lecturer finally said, "THis is not a war, here!" and an older australian piped up and answered, "YES IT IS!"

So what is the moral at the end of the story? Don't get into cultural differences in a class that has an even split of australian and americans...and DON"T (whatever you do) add that extra combustible element of the Canadian. (in case you have been to Avondale, the combustible canadian was Justin...aka C.)

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

I have almost fully recovered. This means that i was able to play another couple of games with Andre, Brandon, and Deitre. Deitre felt the need to add to my knowledge and teach me some sword fighting skills! i'm so excited. Now i can play my fighting games with a NEW twists....okay...all i have really done is just added a new form of violence to my sports. Hehehe. LOVING IT!

Monday, September 08, 2003

Pain...horrible, searing PAIN!

What am i talking about?? I'm talking about the muscles in my body. They have rebelled against me. Now mere steps up or down can cause excruciating PAIN. All this is due to the fact that i over worked my body Saturday when i played the boys. My muscles from my lower legs all the way to the middle of my ribcage are killing me with every movement. I had no idea how many muscles i used to stand, sit, walk, or even to turn my head!

As in every good story, there should be a moral at the end...what is the moral of this story?? Simple...play more, hurt less. ...hehehe. Can't wait for next weekend!

Sunday, September 07, 2003

Yesterday was Saturday (but you know that already, so i'll move on to something you didn't know). A bunch of us went to Mimi's house. Us included almost all the asians and me, Andre (from NZ), and Brandon (from USA). After lunch we were just hiper. i needed to get out some nervous energy so i got Jacki to fight me. (Jacki is from hong kong.)

Fighting consists of trying to touch the other person with your finger. The difficulty in this is in that, you can't move on of your feet and you must be holding hands with the other person. (i know this isn't a really good description, but it is the best i can do at the moment). So then, the next thing i know, i am teaching brandon and andre and Kazy to fight. Brandon is pathetic at first, Andre is a bit better, but Kazy kills me. He THROWS me accross the room. i have never had any one be able to do that before. So then of course, i made him show me how he did it and i played him again. By the end of our time at mimi's my body is dripping (litterally) in sweat. I have fought everyone and added a new game to my addictions. It is a balancing game where you try to make the other person move. You can only use the palm of your hands and you can only touch the other person on the palm of their hands. Very difficult, but lots of fun.

Anyway...so we leave. Andre wants to walk thru the bush back to campus. So a few of us, go thru the bush and the rest go back on college drive. I'm the only chick who goes thru the bush...it is me and four other guys. Fun stuff. He chase rabbits, try to catch lizards, and tell eachother bogus stories about imaginary animals. Hehehe. Once we get back to campus...we all play our fighting games some more. We do it on front campus and end up getting filmed...then asked to help move the ferniture from lower college hall to upper college hall. As i'm helping Kazy take a sofa into the upper college hall (thr a tiny door) Andre and Jacki come up behind me with another sofa. Andre pushes the sofa into me so that i'm squished. He did it on purpose...the little bugger.

anyway...that was my day...hope you enjoyed reading about my day...

Friday, September 05, 2003

My ramblings have now turned to men. I'm not sure how much to say, though. I mean, to portray this in a good light, might jinx the whole thing....whereas to portray it in a bad light might give rise to the idea that i don't like it, which would be false. Then there is the question of detail. Do i give a huge amount of detail in describing them? If i do, will my parents, relatives, close friends, suddenly feel the need to protect me from the unseen evils of men?? I fear that this rambling could be quite hazardous to my social health...what do you think? Maybe i haven't made any sense at all...

Monday, September 01, 2003

Today i cried for more than twenty minutes. What were the cause of my tears? it was something that my OT lecturer said. "and He (GOd) kept his promise to the isrealites and dwelt among them". I suppose you're thinking that there is some great spiritual meaning that i got from this. This isn't the case. In all fact, what i thought of was the fact that my own father had not been able to keep promises to me. Then from there i went into what my father has done. The main cause for my tears was the fact that my father refuses to be a man and really help out around the house; take some of the pressure off my mother. The fact is, my father causes more pressure than he alieviates. What if this kills my mum? It happened to her mother...it could very well happen to my mother. Then there is the issue with my brother. My father treats him like crap. What kind of a man does my brother have as an example then? The simple truth of the matter is, as far as my father is concerned, he doesn't have a "man" to model his life after. My brother has too go looking OUTSIDE the family for his role models. So i guess i was mourning my father's inadiquies as a man, as a father, and as a friend. This brings be back to God. Can God really fill this gap, speicically in my life? Is He really *everything* that i need or just part of it? Does he cover over the anger wounds that my heart has or is He able to REALLY heal them? I know the cliched answer is taht he is able to heal...but he often will use other people to do it. So then, why does that feel like he isn't really doing HIS job? If He had done His job in the beginning, would i have such a dud for a dad? Maybe it was His plan for me to turn out this way from the beginning...i don't know. But i am hurting. That is all i know for certain right now. I am hurting so much. I feel so much pain. i typed out what i wanted to be able to say to my father while i was crying. It is a page long. it is in all caps and everyother sentence contains the word "fuck". I suppose i should destory it or send it. I'll probably do neither. I just feel like i can't breath.

Sunday, August 31, 2003

I suppose I could wendge about the meaninglessness of study or the fact that i'm studying too hard, but i fear that most of you are already sick of this speech. So instead, i will attempt to say something that is possibly more interesting.

I suppose one of my greatest love's is movies. That is why, when Rosa insisted that i watch a "hong kong movie" i didn't resist too much. I was a bit worried because i wasn't sure that i would understand enough of what was happening for me to enjoy it. There is the whole language barrier, which is supposed to be eased by subtitles. Then there is the problem with reading the subtitles fast enough to keep up with the images. if you can manage to do that, then your doing very well. I held my breath and watched the first one. It was Twins Effect. This one didn't have english subtitles so Rosa translated it for me when i didn't understand. (which was all the time, pretty much). It was really wonderful though...i found a style for romance that i hadn't known. (this film as not a romance, btw...it was more of an action) The reason that the romance got me, was there was no big kiss scene at the end. I somewhat brushed it off until i watched another and another and yet another movie. No matter what the genre, romance, action, sci-fi, ect. the "big kiss" at the end is missing. I don't think i fully realized that this could be done effectively. As in, leave out the sexual physical contact and still leave the audience feeling statisfied leaving the relationship where it is. I really like it. It has given me new material to work with!

So there is my astonishing revelation for the day. Hope you enjoy.
I suppose I could wendge about the meaninglessness of study or the fact that i'm studying too hard, but i fear that most of you are already sick of this speach. So instead, i will attempt to say something that is possibly more interesting.

I suppose one of my greatest love's is movies. That is why, when Rosa insisted that i watch a "hong kong movie" i didn't resist too much. I was a bit worried because i wasn't sure that i would understand enough of what was happening for me to enjoy it. There is the whole language barrier, which is supposed to be eased by subtitles, then there is the problem with reading the subtitles fast enough to keep up with the images. if you can manage to do that, then your doing very well. I held my breath and watched the first one. It was Twins Effect. This one didn't have english subtitles so Rosa translated it for me when i didn't understand. (which was all the time, pretty much). It was really wonderful though...i found a style for romance that i hadn't known. (this film as not a romance, btw...it was more of an action movie) The reason that the romance got me, was there was no big kiss scene at the end. I somewhat brushed it off until i watched another and another and yet another movie. No matter what the genre, romance, action, sci-fi, ect. the "big kiss" at the end is missing. I don't think i fully realized that this could be done effectively. As in, leave out the sexual physical contact and still be able to have a story that was pleasing at the end. I really like it. It has given me new material to work with!

So there is my astonishing revelation for the day. Hope you enjoy.

Monday, August 25, 2003

As you can see, i have made a few changes to the blog. I hope this will make it both more interesting for you and more helpful for me. (interesting for you because you can now interact, and more helpful for me because i can know who actually looks at this thing)

Well...i hope to have some profound message to deliver soon...as it is, i'm just struggling to keep my head above assignments. Therefore, no further words will i impart today.

Friday, August 15, 2003

Normally, i won't put two posts up a day, but as i was surfing the net i came across this quote:

"It is easier to serve God without a vision, easier to work for God without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sense is your guide, veneered over with Christian sentiment... But if once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God wants will always come like a goad; you will no longer be able to work for Him on the common-sense basis. " -Oswald Chambers-

It struck me, hard. So i had to put it up here. In case anyone was wondering how i came across it, (don't worry, i know you weren't really wondering) i was looking for christian movie studios. This is part of a mission statement of one of the studio producers. I couldn't help but admire it. Anyway...hope you all find it has profound as i did.
I have spent an entire day locked in my room, coming out for the occational toilet use and food. (Although not in the same go) The reason for this blandness? Study. Can you believe this is the first week of school, yet i have locked myself up to study like it was the last week of semester? This isn't right, i know! ...

However, having spent the day studying, shouldn't i now be more prepared for the class? the short answer is no. What i have been studying is a book by Helen Garner called The First Stone. It detailed a real life incident where a headmaster of a University was charged with sexual harrassment. The book took up the claim that everyone has sexually harrassed someone at some point in time, whether knowing or unknowing. It then called on females, specifically, to take responsiblities for thier actions. So what does all this have to do with my studying? well...i read the book and began the process of preparing a tutorial presentation. The question was "In The First Stone, was "truth" and fiction blurred. The problem is, i can't find the "real" event! Everyone seems to know it happened yet no one knows any more than the book details! this is just crazy!

Where has this left me? Wondering why the tutorial question didn't deal with sexual harrassment instead of "truth" and fiction. I have all of two paragraphs of a 35 minute presentation ready. What else is there to do? Speak to the lecturer? Search the library? Abandon the internet as useless? I think my solution for the moment will be leaving it alone rather than trying to figure out the next step. :P

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Today i'm inspired to write about answers....answers to prayer, i think.

Life, for me, is so strange. I tell God, (listen to me 'tell God'! as if i could ever be so presuming!) Anyway...i say to God, "God, today i would like to meet so-and-so." and next thing i know, i'm meeting so-and-so. "Wow!" i say to myself, "God is really listening to me!" The next day i say, "God, i want to speak with so-and-so"...and i don't. We pass in the hall, i smile and nothing happens. I don't know. Why does that happen?

One minute i get what i want the next i get nothing. Is that fair? Shouldn't it be all or nothing? Maybe my requests are answered on the basis of my relationship with God?

I don't have all the answers, but i think i have come up with something. God does not answer me in accordance to my will, but His. If it fits into His plan, and I happen to ask it, then it works out. If i ask outside of the plan, there is no give. He isn't going to give me something that will hurt me more than help me. He is watching out for my best interest. When i think about it like that, i'm suddenly flooded by a sense of peace. If God is working this out in his plan, then i don't have to be or do anything. (i guess i do need to continue to be me and put myself out there, but i don't have to change who i am or go off the wall to impress someone)

Well, there is my thought for the day. As usual, if i have caught you in the middle of a yawn, i'm sorry. I'm just figuring out what everyone else already has....

Sunday, August 10, 2003

I have just finished reading C.S. Lewis's book 'Til We Have Faces' again. I was stuck by a line that goes something like "How can we meet them (the gods) face to face until we have faces?". The idea behind the line is that we can not say anything to God before we have discovered what we really want to say. The core matter, if you will. Now there is some obvious theological arguments against this, but i was impressed beyond this. What is it that i really, really have to say? what is my life really getting at? Is it possibly that my life, up to this point, has been mere drival about nothing? Yes. I suppose i am Orual. I am Ungit. (if you haven't read the book, read it!) But the point goes further than this. What happens now? Orual doesn't stay Orual. and Ungit doesn't stay Ungit. Is it possible that i too, can change from ugliness into beauty? I suppose most would argue yes, i can. But it is not a matter of mere desire or unconsious thought. There is a consiousness that must accompany the change. There is a willingness, but above all, a mercy.

I like the part in the book were Orual has already brought her complaint to the gods, she has been answered, and they now are going to bring thier complain against her to thier courts. She asks her old teacher, "Will i get justice?" he replies "NO!" "Are they unjust then, father?" she asks. "Of course, daughter! what would become of us if they were?" I like that. Where would i be if God was always just and never merciful? What would even be the point in living a day more if mercy was not part of his judgement?

I suppose this rambling has caught you yawning. It is alright. I am exploring the issues others before me have already comes to grips with. I will leave you now, with no last parting words or phrases.

Friday, August 08, 2003

Today is a new day...a new chance to start. So today is the day, i attempt to become a simi regular blogger. Please don't hold your breath and get too excited about this...there is no guarantee that this new found enthusiasm will hold, or that my spelling skills will improve. However, today is a new day, a chance to start fresh, a chance to redeam myself as a blogger....

Saturday, May 03, 2003

Today is opening day for X-Men 2. It may seem a bit bizarre to post this information on my site, but that is what the site it about, posting the wierd and bizarre. With the budget for this movie set at $100 Million it is unlikely that they will make thier budget back this weekend, but i suspect they will come pretty close. (pretty close meaning they will be within 40 million of thier budget) With most movies making around 16 Million thier opening weekend, X2 promises to blow those numbers out of the water. Don't believe me? i'll post opening weekend numbers on monday.

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Last week I decided to go to church at my sister's church, North Creek Church. I had been there once before and found the expierence somewhat painful. I went to Sabbath school and church and the ONLY people to speak to me the entire time was my sister and my father. NOT EVEN THE GREETER SAID HELLO! So I was a bit annoyed with the church but decided to give it one more chance last week. I shouldn't have. The greeter was very excited to see my brother but totally ignored me. I was kinda annoyed with that because i was standing RIGHT NEXT to him! My sister, however, convienced me to stay for the first part of the service, my response was that I would only stay if i sat in the back and thereby was able to escape quickly if needed. I went to the back of the church with my brother. The last row had only 3 chairs in it. An older lady set her bulletin down in the third chair from the isle and left. I assumed she was saving the seat and would return. My brother and i occupied the two chairs next to her. The service began to start and seats filled quickly. We were all singing the first song when an older lady (who looked strikingly like the Greeter) came over and said "You need to scoot over. We need all the seats available today". I started to tell her that there was a lady coming back to sit in the seat next to us when the lady started to PUSH me! She kept pushing me and saying "you need to move over" and wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise! So we moved over. I never did see the lady who layed the bulletin down again....but i imagine she saw that we had taken her seat and hated our guts because of it. But this wasn't the end of the story! A few moments later they BLOCKED MY EXIT with more chair and people sitting in them! So for the entire service i was stuck! The moral to my story is, NEVER, EVER again will i go to north creek!

Friday, April 18, 2003

Ever notice how days that are bad last forever and the good days last 5 minutes?? It seems to me that the good days are in short supply. but moving on with something a little more interesting than my latest bit of mind rambling....

This week i have gotten a temporary promotion. I have become the cook at the childcare centre. It is wonderful. Instead of speading my day surrounded by little people out to harm me, i'm cooking thier food. That's right! I'm the cook! It has come with a few problem...such as standing on my feet all day and dropping 5 kilos of frozen ground beef on my foot...but over all i enjoy it. It gives me the freedom to listen to what i want and the time by my self that i have craved for so long. I LOVE IT! so my good days are here for several more weeks! (or so it appears at the moment)

Saturday, April 12, 2003

This wierd and bizarre website is dedicated to all those people who have been warped by Kristin's wierd and bizarre ways....