Friday, November 28, 2008

Best lines (from real life) of the week

from toddler: HEY! OVER HERE! I'M IN A PRAM!
Girl (munching on ice)
Boy: frustrated much?
Girl (annoyed): yeah, do your job!

Husband: (sound asleep, gets up, crawls to the bottom of the bed where cat is) HI Bob. good kitty.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

thought for the day

You would not be mistaken if you'd thought to yourself in the last few weeks that "kristin has been slack on the blogging". I'll admit, entries full of quotes is quite slack on my part. I would love to point to something and be able to identify it as the reason my writing genuis having been out of the office, but alas, it would involve over-sharing and then a box of tissues would be required, and it would just all end badly. So in the attempt to save the tissues, we'll skip the annoying over-sharing parts and go straight to the for the day.

Why can't i control -z my way out of real life problems?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Quotes from George Bernard Shaw

  • Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

  • A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

  • Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

  • I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Red Green Show

The Red Green show was a Canadian show that ran for 15 or so years. Great show. It's humour was a little off centre, but that is often how i like my funnies. So in my nostalgic moments today, i compiled some quotes from the show.

[Red tries to get Dalton to guess the word 'Sensitive.']
Red Green: All right... aware.
Dalton Humphries: Sober.
Red Green: Touchy.
Dalton Humphries: Feely.
Red Green: Touchy-feely.
Dalton Humphries: Richard Simmons?
Red Green: Compared to you, your wife is more...
Dalton Humphries: Overweight.
Red Green: Emotionally, she's more...
Dalton Humphries: Weepy!
Red Green: No, she notices things more, because she's...
Dalton Humphries: Picky.
Red Green: You would never say to your wife that she's picky, overweight or weepy because...
Dalton Humphries: Castration?
Red Green: The vertical hold on your television set.
Dalton Humphries: Sensitive.
Red Green: Well, I'm not gonna be calling the U.S. Air Force, Harold. What do I say? We've got a missile? They take that as a threat, we're in real trouble.
Harold Green: Well, then, contact the Canadian Air Force.
Red Green: Harold, it's after six; he's gone home.

Red Green: [singing] Oh, a horse with a horn is called a unicorn/A horse with stripes is called a zebra/A horse with wings is called Pegasus/And a horse with a broken leg is called glue.

Osama plans US attacks!

Have you ever noticed that mainstream news is starting to look more and more like gossip column drivel? Instead of using facts to write a story, it suddenly turns into something like:

Osama Bin Laden, 51, is set to attack the USA again later this year, a source close to the terrorist says. He is looking for something in the spring because he has always loved the way spring smells, especially if there is death in the air. But some of Osama's friends are getting worried. "He is really going out of control." says a close friend of Osama, "He used to do this for a reason, but now its all about the fame".

oy vey!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

kristin needs

a pick me up. and not that artificial kind that only includes coffee. Give me something really STRONG!

[^proof that the pillow bought over the weekend did not actually improve the sleep kristin is getting]]

Monday, November 10, 2008

I've lost the script

Maybe Melody had a good point. Life never works out the way you imagine it will. I'm pretty sure i've lost the script to my life, so here are a few excerpts from my new variety show i call life.

Something i never expected to say but do: I live in Australia

Something i expected to say but don't: and i convinced my mum and siblings to move here too.

Something i want to say, but probably won't: Thank you so much! This Grammy means so much to me

Something i never planned to say but do: I don't need an excuse. I just don't want to.

Something i hoped i would say: Of course i can donate $3 million, it's hardly a drop in the bucket really.

Another hopeful saying: Yes, i can take over as director of your fabulously successful theatre group.

And while my script is never going to work out like i want it to, i'm still stubbornly clinging to a plot...although my ad libbing is in danger of annihilating it. But i refuse to give up on it. Perhaps that is where Maybe Melody has the better of me.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Dear 2008 Republicans

In direct homage to our new President elect, Barack Obama, i will refrain from saying "nah nah nah nah nah!" I know that many of you are scared about what Obama is going to do with the country over the next few years. I know that your scared about how taxes will change, about how you will be able to afford luxuries like groceries in the credit crisis. I know so many of you are not certain you can trust someone who speaks so eloquently, after all even the biblical devil apparently speaks eloquently.

I can not calm your fears.

For the rich republicans, your off-shore tax havens will probably be in danger. Your $500,000 a year tax frauds will likely come to an end. I suggest for you that you learn to enjoy simple pleasures in life, like board games with the family, ice cream at the beach, and yoga classes, instead of personalised lessons.

For religious republicans your morals will not be forced to change, although you may find yourself expectantly living a more christian lifestyle. Your taxes may be used to help pay for the widows' life saving surgeries. It may pay for medicine for orphans and housing for the homeless. But don't worry, your forced charitable acts will not count as your own free willed actions in heaven. God will understand that you really didn't want to do it, especially when it came to providing methadone to addicts.

I do not know for certain what the future holds. I know that election promises get broken, that important points disappear in face of money troubles. Yet i believe and hope that we really are moving towards a better tomorrow. If you don't believe me today, please judge for yourself tomorrow.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Touring Australia

A happy little tourist video made by people who just want the tell the truth.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

kristin is

biting her nails as she watches the US elections. This is better than Big Brother!

(and the majority of news coverage is just as useless)