I have just finished reading C.S. Lewis's book 'Til We Have Faces' again. I was stuck by a line that goes something like "How can we meet them (the gods) face to face until we have faces?". The idea behind the line is that we can not say anything to God before we have discovered what we really want to say. The core matter, if you will. Now there is some obvious theological arguments against this, but i was impressed beyond this. What is it that i really, really have to say? what is my life really getting at? Is it possibly that my life, up to this point, has been mere drival about nothing? Yes. I suppose i am Orual. I am Ungit. (if you haven't read the book, read it!) But the point goes further than this. What happens now? Orual doesn't stay Orual. and Ungit doesn't stay Ungit. Is it possible that i too, can change from ugliness into beauty? I suppose most would argue yes, i can. But it is not a matter of mere desire or unconsious thought. There is a consiousness that must accompany the change. There is a willingness, but above all, a mercy.

I like the part in the book were Orual has already brought her complaint to the gods, she has been answered, and they now are going to bring thier complain against her to thier courts. She asks her old teacher, "Will i get justice?" he replies "NO!" "Are they unjust then, father?" she asks. "Of course, daughter! what would become of us if they were?" I like that. Where would i be if God was always just and never merciful? What would even be the point in living a day more if mercy was not part of his judgement?

I suppose this rambling has caught you yawning. It is alright. I am exploring the issues others before me have already comes to grips with. I will leave you now, with no last parting words or phrases.