If you were raised in a Christian lifestyle you would have had it pounded into you (hehe.."pounded into you") that you were NOT supposed to have sex before you were married. Every good christian girl knows that they are supposed to wait because sex will be "amazing" once they finally made it to that big glorious white ceremony at the church.
Christian books will tell you that waiting makes you better able to connect with your future spouse. They tell you it builds trust between two people. That sex will be better and your marriage is sure to last if you abstain. They tell you that if you don't wait, you will instantly become pregnant and or contract a STI.
The problem with these books is that they use fear and manipulation to pressure people into an early marriage. I have known more than one couple who chose to get married because they wanted to have sex. An early marriage does not build trust. A rushed relationship does not guarentee a good marriage just because genitals weren't bumped before the "i dos" were said.
I don't have a problem with waiting for your spouse. I think a big reason why i chose to wait was because i didn't want to tempt the fates and get a disease or become pregnant (which i kinda saw as a disease anyway).
Things that really make a relationship work have more to do with communication, thoughtfullness, forgiveness, growing together, and shared goals....and more communication. While sex might impact these things, the impact is minimal if the communication is great enough. There is very little that can't be overcome with a well thoughtout discussion.
It has been my experience that 90% of the Christian dating books have been useless. They have done little to address the real issue of marriage, learning how to communicate with your spouse. They spend too much time warning of the dangers of sex and telling you how amazing it will be after you get married. But really, IT IS JUST SEX! it is far smaller an issue that being true to yourself through adolence or learning how to interact with the opposite sex without losing yourself.
There is much to be said for waiting for marriage...this is more to be said for developing fabulous communication before marriage. I just wish more would be written about it.
(watch this space for Kristin's new book: Beating back the Christian social bullshit)
7 comments:
Oh dear, two different places to comment about the same thing. I don't know what to do.
burst into song is always an option?
i think kristin already did that...
I think I have a similar outlook. Sex gets too much hype. Sure it's a significant part of relationships, but there are more important things...
Personally I don't see what the big deal is, I kind of think that if two people want to share that part of their lives with each other then they shouldn't feel guilty about it. Personally i wouldn't advocate you go out a stick it in everything with an oriface (or let everything that can stick, stick it in your oriface, for the ladies among us); but if that's what you want to do then.
In the words of the Flying Spaghetti Monster...
4. "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change."
8. "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something."
Mmmm the FSM... Good (or at least interesting) commandments to follow.
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