Someone once said that life is only as exciting as you make it. So i have chosen to make this week the most exciting i can. How am i going to do this, you ask? Quite simply actually. By only working on assignments right before they are due and then getting that rush of adrinaline as i suddenly realize that i don't have time to do the assignment at all. It is a similar feeling to looking over the edge of a cliff and wondering if your going to get dizzy and fall to your death. At least no one will ever say that i was bored.

Slightly off the topic, the weather here is terribly grey. The funny thing is, however, that its HOT. i feel like taking off all my clothes and walking around naked except i'm sure that college would get angry at me for scaring all their students away. So i guess i'll just suffer.

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The weather is starting to warm up and talk of Big Camp is in the air. Mid-semester break is coming upon us all too soon. In a matter of weeks the campus will empty out of students (except those unfortunate souls who have no money to travel or home to leave to) and will fill up with stale air and long days. Students, who have been stranded on the island of cooranbong, will wonder where life has run away to. They will seek some sort of boredom relief in movies, school work, and computer games (mostly computer games and movies). However, they will find none. What will become of these poor souls? Tune in next week as Kristin discusses what SHE will do to thwart the evil Boredome Illness.

So i'm sitting here trying to think of what in the world i am feeling. I have had so many "things" happen in the last fourty-eight hours, i feel that i should have an overwhelming feeling. I don't really. The only thing i can identify is this desire to throw-up. I think this is mostly due to unwanted attention (some guys get too touchy when they "fall in love"). But what of all the other "things"? Shouldn't i have a feeling for them too? why do i feel they aren't real? I'm not sure. I suppose that it is all a matter of perspective. My perspective is so far away i can't say for sure what is really happening.

I know i'm not making sense...That is okay...just nod your head and smile.

So what am i feeling? a combination of disgust, frustation, annoyance, self-loathing, annoyance, and and a tiny bit of hope. That list looks bad...but please don't take this list to heart too soon. I don't think that my mood will stay this way...it is only a matter of time before life changes, yet again...and everything will look different. Besides, God's here. He'll help me figure all this out.

Last night i went to a church revival, called Hunter Harvest. It was interesting. It featured Switchfoot, Crystal Lewis, and clips from the upcoming movie The Passion. It was even introduced (via video recording) by Mel Gibson. That was great! in case you were wondering, you can't get clips of that movie on the internet yet....this was a special release. I was so impressed. it looks like it is going to be VERY well done. i can't wait to see it.

The music was good...i think i'm going to go tonight because last night was a bit tame for me and tonight is supposed to get a bit more rocky. I'm excited about that.

One last thing, i do want to ask everyone for thier prayers, i'm going thru some rough stuff right now. i won't go into it all, but i'll just say, MEN! ARG!

I took a long walk in the bush today. I went walking with 3 guys (Nick, Dieter, and Andre) and one other chick (Elisha, i think her name is). I was struck very hard by the way women re-act to eachother. She was no comfortable that i was going. That was interesting to me because i didn't realize i was a threat. The other thing i found very interesting was how the guys reacted to the tension. Dieter totally pulled away. He just didn't have anything to do with Elisha, except when she calmed down enough to be worth speaking to. In other words she was more wound up than a wind-up toy and very seldom was spoken to by Dieter. Andre tried to bounce between us. Going from me and Dieter to Elisha and Nick and back again. Nick...well...nick was oblivious to the entire ordeal. In fact, he was so absorbed in Elisha company, i don't think he even noticed i was there...hahaha!

But it was fun. I was glad i went...

Today in class we discussed cultural differences. We looked at the original song "Waltzing Matilida", and the australians were to interpret what it meant, and then we looked at the Star Spangled Banner...and the american interpreted that. It turned into a "war". The Canadian was angry with the australians for disagreeing with him, and the australians were angry at him for being such a prick. Most of the americans wisely kept quiet...in fact, they were so quiet, they let the australians interpret the Star Spangled Banner for them...HAHAHA! This caused a riot with the canadian, not sure why. The lecturer finally said, "THis is not a war, here!" and an older australian piped up and answered, "YES IT IS!"

So what is the moral at the end of the story? Don't get into cultural differences in a class that has an even split of australian and americans...and DON"T (whatever you do) add that extra combustible element of the Canadian. (in case you have been to Avondale, the combustible canadian was Justin...aka C.)

I have almost fully recovered. This means that i was able to play another couple of games with Andre, Brandon, and Deitre. Deitre felt the need to add to my knowledge and teach me some sword fighting skills! i'm so excited. Now i can play my fighting games with a NEW twists....okay...all i have really done is just added a new form of violence to my sports. Hehehe. LOVING IT!

Pain...horrible, searing PAIN!

What am i talking about?? I'm talking about the muscles in my body. They have rebelled against me. Now mere steps up or down can cause excruciating PAIN. All this is due to the fact that i over worked my body Saturday when i played the boys. My muscles from my lower legs all the way to the middle of my ribcage are killing me with every movement. I had no idea how many muscles i used to stand, sit, walk, or even to turn my head!

As in every good story, there should be a moral at the end...what is the moral of this story?? Simple...play more, hurt less. ...hehehe. Can't wait for next weekend!

Yesterday was Saturday (but you know that already, so i'll move on to something you didn't know). A bunch of us went to Mimi's house. Us included almost all the asians and me, Andre (from NZ), and Brandon (from USA). After lunch we were just hiper. i needed to get out some nervous energy so i got Jacki to fight me. (Jacki is from hong kong.)

Fighting consists of trying to touch the other person with your finger. The difficulty in this is in that, you can't move on of your feet and you must be holding hands with the other person. (i know this isn't a really good description, but it is the best i can do at the moment). So then, the next thing i know, i am teaching brandon and andre and Kazy to fight. Brandon is pathetic at first, Andre is a bit better, but Kazy kills me. He THROWS me accross the room. i have never had any one be able to do that before. So then of course, i made him show me how he did it and i played him again. By the end of our time at mimi's my body is dripping (litterally) in sweat. I have fought everyone and added a new game to my addictions. It is a balancing game where you try to make the other person move. You can only use the palm of your hands and you can only touch the other person on the palm of their hands. Very difficult, but lots of fun.

Anyway...so we leave. Andre wants to walk thru the bush back to campus. So a few of us, go thru the bush and the rest go back on college drive. I'm the only chick who goes thru the bush...it is me and four other guys. Fun stuff. He chase rabbits, try to catch lizards, and tell eachother bogus stories about imaginary animals. Hehehe. Once we get back to campus...we all play our fighting games some more. We do it on front campus and end up getting filmed...then asked to help move the ferniture from lower college hall to upper college hall. As i'm helping Kazy take a sofa into the upper college hall (thr a tiny door) Andre and Jacki come up behind me with another sofa. Andre pushes the sofa into me so that i'm squished. He did it on purpose...the little bugger.

anyway...that was my day...hope you enjoyed reading about my day...

My ramblings have now turned to men. I'm not sure how much to say, though. I mean, to portray this in a good light, might jinx the whole thing....whereas to portray it in a bad light might give rise to the idea that i don't like it, which would be false. Then there is the question of detail. Do i give a huge amount of detail in describing them? If i do, will my parents, relatives, close friends, suddenly feel the need to protect me from the unseen evils of men?? I fear that this rambling could be quite hazardous to my social health...what do you think? Maybe i haven't made any sense at all...

Today i cried for more than twenty minutes. What were the cause of my tears? it was something that my OT lecturer said. "and He (GOd) kept his promise to the isrealites and dwelt among them". I suppose you're thinking that there is some great spiritual meaning that i got from this. This isn't the case. In all fact, what i thought of was the fact that my own father had not been able to keep promises to me. Then from there i went into what my father has done. The main cause for my tears was the fact that my father refuses to be a man and really help out around the house; take some of the pressure off my mother. The fact is, my father causes more pressure than he alieviates. What if this kills my mum? It happened to her mother...it could very well happen to my mother. Then there is the issue with my brother. My father treats him like crap. What kind of a man does my brother have as an example then? The simple truth of the matter is, as far as my father is concerned, he doesn't have a "man" to model his life after. My brother has too go looking OUTSIDE the family for his role models. So i guess i was mourning my father's inadiquies as a man, as a father, and as a friend. This brings be back to God. Can God really fill this gap, speicically in my life? Is He really *everything* that i need or just part of it? Does he cover over the anger wounds that my heart has or is He able to REALLY heal them? I know the cliched answer is taht he is able to heal...but he often will use other people to do it. So then, why does that feel like he isn't really doing HIS job? If He had done His job in the beginning, would i have such a dud for a dad? Maybe it was His plan for me to turn out this way from the beginning...i don't know. But i am hurting. That is all i know for certain right now. I am hurting so much. I feel so much pain. i typed out what i wanted to be able to say to my father while i was crying. It is a page long. it is in all caps and everyother sentence contains the word "fuck". I suppose i should destory it or send it. I'll probably do neither. I just feel like i can't breath.