Monday, October 22, 2007

World President Job Application

Presidential Job Application

Take this political survey

Full Name (minimum of 3 names required for the job) Kristin Outa-me-Mind Teel
Age definately old enough to know better than the other guy
Gender The ablity to lead a people has nothing to do with my genitals
Party affiliation My party
Have you ever been arrested? not for anything serious
What for? see above
Served jail time? nope. i'm too ugly for them to want to keep me
Have you ever used drugs? only the natural kind
What drugs? the natural kind...weren't you paying attention?
Been convicted of drug possession? nope
Have you ever smuggled something illegal into the country? Yes, but the country needed it there
Do you have a scandalous past? only if you're facinated by the boring
Please explain My life is hardly tabloidishous


What are your views on world domination? I should definately dominate. i could get the cute leather whip out. put on my plether pants and knee high black boots...
Do you have any religious ideologies? yes
How do you feel about trampling the rights of states within the US? mahahahhahahaha
What about trampling the rights of other countries? lets not talk about rights...instead lets talk about me
Do you think any drugs should be legalized? of course. then they could be taxed and then i could be richer...
Do you believe that you are always right? of course not. But you better say i am anyway
Do you value the opinions of others? yep. they remind me to clean the dungeon out.
Are you able to admit when you are wrong? wrong?? what is this word you speak of?
Do you believe that it is ok to go on vacation during a crisis? no. especially if i'm at the centre of it.
Do you believe in the philosophy of screw the little guy? how little is he?
Do you believe it is the governments responsibility to take care of people? of course. and if you willingly submit to me, i'll take great care of you.
What are your views on the current state of the wellfare system? there are so many welfare systems. maybe we should pick one
How do you feel about the current state of Social Security? i don't believe there is any social security anymore
Do you believe that when you are old enough to collect you will be able to? only if i put my money in stuff that actually returns
What would you do to ease/solve the oil crisis? start making cars that don't need oil!
Would you protect the environment? OF COURSE! you can call me auntie nature (avoiding the mother stuff still)
Would you go to war with countries unprovoked? of course not. i'd find a way to provoke them into provoking me.
Would you make your own decisions or what your parents wanted you to do? I'm the new world dominatrix. of course i'm not taking orders from daddy...thats just too discustin!
Would you travel in the black limos or incognito? oooo! incognito! i love dress up!

Now, on to your experience and qualifications

Have you ever declared war? Why? only against the neighbour and his silly fence offensive.
Have you ever used nuclear force? Why? no... have not had access to nuclear force
Have you had an affair with your intern? no. the intern is too creepy and my hubby is WAY more sexy
Do you have friends in low places to hide your secrets? they don't need to be low places to hide my secrets.
Do you have friends in high places to give you lots of money? once i am the world dominatrix, i'm sure i'll have plenty of money...mahahahaha!
Are you able to have a conversation without sounding like an idiot? Sometimes...[ackward silence]
Do you stutter? nnn no.
Do you use insensitive words in public like crusade and savage? hehehe...savage
Do you have an IQ score about 25? WHAT??? i have to have an IQ!? i'm not sure i want this job anymore
Can you say the alphabet backwards? zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba
Have you ever been caught in a compromising situation? i was on top
Can you count with your shoes on and your hands in your pockets? eeep! more hard questions!
Have you ever had someone taken care of? yes. it was beautiful. gramma was in hospital and i payed the nurse and extra 50 to clean her up and make sure the other patients didn't pick on her.
Did you only marry your spouse because one of you was knocked up? yes. He was definately knocked up.
Do you have grey hair yet? i decline to answer...mainly due to my fashion sense.
Do you wear cowboy boots to work? yuck! no cowboy boots for me. its ug boots all the way baby!
Can you sign your name quickly?
Can you spell your name correctly? um...usually. sometime i type too fast and get the s and t mixed up
Are you able to sit in front of a phone and not push all the buttons? more hard questions!
Do you know how to read? yes...i just finished "see jane run"
Are you capable of having any independent thoughts? yep
Do you know what those are? nope
Do you believe in the freedom of speech? long as they only say what is good for the country
Do you just want to take a huge crap on individuals civil rights? no. i do that in the toilet...
Would you put your own picture on a new form of money? yes. it would be the thiele currency. it would be stronger than the greenback...although most things are starting to look stronger than the greenback right now so...
Would you attack Canada for the fun of it? no. canada is great at following directions. i'd keep them to set an example for the rest of the world
Would you deport all the illegals? to where?? mars?? that just is silly
Would you institute mandatory sterilization for stupid people? yes. and i'd determine who was stupid
Do you make babies cry? usually
Do you make old ladies cry? not so far


Ben said...

I'd vote for you.

Ida said...

Me too

Kaisa said...

Me three!!!

watson_vagabond said...

so...i'm confused...i thought you were already part of the world domination you're going public?

jennifer said...

you can't vote for her. i'm pretty sure this is a dictatorship :)