So far...

If you missed me...thats sweet.

I've been navigating international airports for the last few days. So far i've flown into Hawaii just in time to see a burned out plane next to the airway. Chris assures me that its for training purposes, but i still found the fist sight on landing a little intimidating. Between that and the turbulence, its a bit scary.

I'd upload pictures, but the computer hates me. Perhaps i can make it fall in love with me yet...we'll keep trying.

xoxox
your faithful but lapsing blogger

the hair cut montage

The Hair cut Montage:

stream of consciousness writing

I haven't had much to say lately, not because my brain malfunctioning, i just don't know where to start. I once had someone tell me to start writing and i'd figure out what needed to be said. So here i am, writing, without much of a purpose other than to get a few things off my chest.

The big thing at the moment is mortality. I have never had a problem with death. Or at least, i have never had a problem with my own death. Not that i'm suicidal, i just don't fear it. Yet, somehow when other people die or it becomes apparent that they could leave my life, i get clingy. How dare they be removed from the land of the living! Like with most of my life, i am terribly selfish. No one should die before me.

Saturday mocked me.

As i sat in church i heard the prayer for Mimi. Mimi is a dear friend of mine. She is my adopted grandmother. She is always so concerned for everyone else. The prayer ended. The pastor got up to speak the sermon. He prefaced his sermon with the announcement that Mimi had suffered a stroke that morning. I left church and called the hospital.

She was "stable" i was told. The rest of the day i spent on the verge of tears wondering what "stable" meant. Could she speak? Was she mobile?

It was that evening i found out that another woman i was close to as a child passed away. Mama K was the stern yet funny old lady who had a day care in her home. She looked like a grandmother. She treated everyone like they were her children and their business was her business. I loved her. I brought her back a spoon from Australia for her collection. She was very excited. I didn't see her again for several years. I wasn't sure she remembered me when i saw her at a friend's wedding. That was the last time i saw her.

The weekend was emotionally exhausting. The week has been numb. But Mimi gets out of hospital today. She is doing well. She has all her movement and a little slurring of her speech, but she's okay. I think i will be too.

rapid aging

I am definitely getting old...no...not "getting" old...i am old. I have determined this fact from watching girls merely 2-3 years my junior with their partners.

If you ever need to feel mature, go to the local hang out spot and watch the couples interact. If you last more than 20 minutes without feeling ill, you're either in a very good town (send me the name of the town, i'm willing to move) or you're part of "that age group".

"That age group" is categorised by their screeches. Their sickeningly sweet displays of affection (usually meant for the public's attention) and their speech impediment that makes every other word sound like "sex!"

I'm certain that any doctor in the country would recognise that spending more than 20 minutes in the presence of this is bad for your health. It definitely caused my rapid aging!

brief update

It was almost 2 weeks ago that my contract expired. This should have meant lots of time for blogging and writing. What it has actually meant is a lot of time spent not in front of a computer.

It's kinda nice actually. I had forgotten what the sunshine feels like and how wind whips around your body on fine autum days.

Actually i lie. I've been in the gym...i get limited sun and no wind. But i've tripled the amount of weight i can lift! and that makes it all worth it, right?

fun with tax papers

After spending 3 hours on my taxes (for my country of birth), i have realised something. My country of birth has dyslexic and confused people working in their highest levels of taxation.

It is the only explanation i can come to for the reasoning behind the way the forms are presented. They start out reasonable. "start at the top", but about a third of the way down they go into a strange vortex of obscurity. "Add line 41 and 34 minus line 62 on form 3311" Your frantic scrambling to find each line only ends in frustration as you realise you have not yet begun form 3311 and can not go further on your current form until you work part of the way through the other form. You begin form 3311 only to discover that on line 22, you will need to subtract your total income from your first form with any deductions from form 4231.

By this time you've probably lost the first form, but don't worry, its probably under that 6 foot stack of papers you may or may not need to fill out the next form.

Needless to say, i dislike tax time.

We now return to our regular posts

About a week ago i joined the gym. I have thrown myself into a work out program with the force of a wrecking ball. Two hours a day i train. I am determined to train hard every day of the week.

I have known this day was coming for quite some time. I've talked about it to my husband and to a few friends, yet, the reaction to my new drive has been met with an assumption that i was a little taken back by.

You see, i recognise the fact that i have the upper body of Pamela Anderson and the butt of Roseanne Bar but i'm happy with that. I don't feel a need to loose weight. I do feel the need to get my body toned up for an overseas trip in which i will have to keep up with my mother. (which has generally been difficult since i was about 5) She has energy reserves that she keeps in her purse. On more than one occasion, i've wondered if my mother is really a robot. Or maybe the energiser bunny in disguise. So before i go on this trip, i wanted to be sure i am fit enough to go shopping with her. This means training.

Yet, at every turn, i am asked how much weight i want to loose. There is an assumption that the only reason i am training is to drop a dress size. I can't decide if the reason for this assumption is because people honestly view me as "THAT" big, or the idea of a woman in the gym has to mean she is there to work off the kilos. Either way, i think i'm a bit offended.

and thats not all!

After a prolonged absence i have finally returned to my habit of blogging only to realise that i seem to have left my self in my other pair of jeans. In fact, i haven't seen those jeans in quite some time and i am beginning to wonder if they are still around.

Isn't it odd how people change you? Values can become changed and distorted when you spend a large amount of time with someone vastly different to you. I feel like that is what has happened to me. With so much work of late, i feel like my value system, which was meant to keep family time to a maximum has all but disappeared. Working 45 hour weeks was never part of the plan.

I am feeling less like me than i've ever felt.That can't be a good thing. But if i could only find those jeans that i left myself in, i'm sure things would go back to normal soon...i'm sure of it...

Its me...except prettier

Look what i can do!