After a conversation with Adele, i think I've decided to change professions. I feel that perhaps my true calling in life was not to be a two bit wanna-be writer, but instead to exceed these limited boundaries, expand into a career far more demeaning with a significant pay packet. The new profession? Drama Queen Advisor to the Stars!
I have all the talents for it. I have the ability to get along with difficult people (I've got along with myself for years now), i have millions of great ideas for getting out of trouble, PLUS i have the added advantage of being able to help the stars make money out of their social mishaps.
Picture this: Paris Hilton gets booked for a DUI. With my advice she checks herself into rehab, never truly intending to kick any of her bad habits (but the perception that she intents to kick the habit helps the public to feel sorry for her), and when she emerges after a 2 hour stint and the media flock to her to get the latest report, she gracefully tells all with a Coca Cola, or a Paddlepop in her hand. For every following press conference or media hound, she is always present with the same product, thus providing almost constant coverage of a product. The company of the product pays a small fee to help the star through the myriad of difficulties that will obviously ensue when you already have too much money and not enough responsibility.
See?! I'm a genius! damn...now that I've posted this some smart ass is going to steal my ideas and make millions off it! WELL GUESS WHAT SUCKER? I'VE COPYRIGHTED THIS WHOLE POST!