Tuesday, January 30, 2007

This month's scare

About a week and a half ago, i went in to the doctor for a personal issue. (we won't name the issue because its PERSONAL!) The doctor looked me over, took various liquid samples and diagnosed me on the spot. She then said she's send in these samples to be tested but she was 90% sure it was exactly what she said it was, which was nothing to worry about.

I went on my car trip knowing that if it turned out to be something serious, she'd call me. Upon my return, i found a letter from my doctor. It informed me that i needed to visit her again in regards to my URINE sample. The letter concluded with a reassuring line that the issue was not urgent.

I thought to myself, what information could she have about just my urine sample that would be not urgent? The only thing that came to me was that i was pregnant. All morning i worked myself into a knot because of it. I called my nurse friend to find out if a doctor would label pregnacy as "urgent" or "not urgent". She said it was up to the doctor's personal disgression.

I paced back and forth for much of the morning, finally, i went into the doctor's office 20 minutes early. as soon as i arrived, the nurse looked at me sympathetically and said, "she'll see you next". there were 5 other people in the waiting room and i was bumped to the front of the que. i was really nervous now.

After a mere 39 seconds (yes, i was counting) i was ushered into the back room where the doctor discretely shut the door. She searched around for my file for 1 minute and 42 seconds and finally found what she was looking for.

"AH! your tests came back exactly as i expected. your test show that i was right in my original diagnosis. your urine sample shows nothing abnormal, nor does your other [samples] Take this piece of paper out to the nurse and she'll bill you for this visit".

i was not pregnant. there was nothing wrong me with. she had no questions about my further health since i had seen her last, instead i was called in so she could tell me she was right. as i numbly walked to the nurse's station and handed her the paper, i was in a daze. It didn't last too long though, because the nurse billed me for $34!


mist1 said...

Think about how much the bill would have been if you were pregnant.

Della said...

Obviously the original diagnosis was, "You're perfectly fine! But I can sense some money in this. Vegas here we come baby!"


watson_vagabond said...

lol, sick sick physicians.

kris said...

mist1: if it was a baby the government would have given me $3000. its kind of like winning the lottery over here if you get a pregnant. of course, it doesn't cover half the cost of a gyno...so...

adele: those evil bastards! they take my money and then gamble it away! I COULD DO THAT MYSELF!

watson_vagabond: yep. ;)

Della said...

Lottery, gambling, it all works together so well there comment-wise, Kris :D

I love the government's attempt at an incentive to have children - it only works on bogans and stupid teenagers, though, who think, "Oooh! $3000! I can buy a lot of alcohol with that!" (yay foetal alcohol syndrome).

$3000 doesn't make me want to get some sperm up me, go through nine months of pregnancy and then squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a 20 cent piece. Oh, and then take a year or two (or more) off work unpaid and without the guarantee you'll get your job back, or even a job at the level you were at. Let's not even talk about childcare places...

Much better idea to go down the pokies (*snork!* no, no innuendo there) and stuff $34 in $2 coins in a slot before giving a lever a good pull ;)