The pet boarding home

My husband and i have accepted our first pet boarder, Ginji.

She has come to us pregnant and nearly ready to give birth. She will stay with us until her kittens are 10 weeks old or 1 kg in weight. Once this happens she will go back to the RSPCA where she and her kittens will find new homes.

She has settled into our home very well. She gets on well with Faith, although she isn't entirely sure she likes Bob yet. They enjoy liaisons with a window between them, but they suddenly have a bout of nerves when put into the same room.


The nerves are not helped by the fact that Bob recently had a fall and was forced to take medication so that he could walk and jump properly. He is in a fair amount of pain and doesn't really want to deal with Faith or Ginji. I don't blame him.

Ginji on the other hand is very social. She loves a good pat and gives small mews of commands when you fail to give her the attention she requires. For a young momma cat, she has an amazing temperment. Many mothers-to-be, become cranky in the time before birth. Not Ginji, she can't wait to love anyone and everyone who comes to say hello to her. I know she will make a great addition to any home.

AMAZING!

once upon a time....

One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

'Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! Improvising and brilliance only come with age and experience.

--the previous story is stolen from a mass email someone sent me..

What local internet addict is spending too much time worrying about the Jolie family?

It amazes me the rubbish papers publish, receives attention from the public. How does a picture of a couch count as news? when you claim that Brad Pitt has been spending his nights there. GAH! that isn't news! that is lazy publishing!

I think the reason that certain celebrities continue to be in the lime light week after week is because readers want to see 'what happens next' in their story. We all know the Jolie-Pitt story, but we want to see what happens next. How does the fabulously wealthy, ultra good looking, with beautiful children manage to screw up? We want to know! cause they can't have all that and not be secretly sucky at SOMETHING! and we, the public, have to know.

Maybe we'd leave them alone if they'd just open the door to their villa and tell us what it was. "we are rubbish at putting away our shoes" said Angelina.

Then again, we probably would only be more desperate for something more exciting in the sucky department.

The thing is...i managed to avoid the magazines full of almost clothed celebrities. I manage to pass on the blatant gossip sites, such as page6 and Perez Hilton...yet i get stuck on the entertainment/social section of the news sites. damn...sucked in again! How does that happen? i don't usually find myself attracted to the ho hum life of overpaid, under clothed actors...i think it's the tag lines. It must be the tag lines that suck me in.

"Which star watched as their stunt double got into an awkward position?"

clicking link in 3..2..1

Sigh...i'm such a sucker.

have i talked about this yet?

This song just lifts my mood so much. LOVE IT!

WOW

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working girl

It was with great excitement that i have begun work at an animal shelter. I have been working with cats whose owners have passed away and left them to the shelter for care. These animals will not be destroyed but will live out the rest of their days without a home populated with other people. These cats live a privalaged life that includes their own room, a garden, and a personal tv. While they have everything they need to keep them going physically, there isn't a lot of people time. I have found it to be a great joy to spend time grooming, cleaning, and caring for these cats.

^This is Chantra. One of my favourite cats. She's beautiful and so sweet. she follows me EVERYWHERE!


^This is Chantra's brother. He doesn't appear as nice but it turns out he is a sweetheart as well. He just doesn't always know how to show it as well. (BTW: both these two cats are available for foster homing, but not for adoption. contact me if your interested in being their mummy or daddy for a while)

^These are parts of two cats that could be Bob's brothers.

^This is the 10 month old kitten that gave birth to a litter of 4 a couple months ago. She's had it rough. She's currently learning how to trust people again so she can be adopted to a loving home.

^Its me and my snuggle bumpkins!...she's so happy to be in the photo as you can see.

A lesson in stereostypes

One my first day at my new job, i left my dear little ones locked together in the laundry room. I made sure they would be as comfortable as possible. I created a bed for the cat at the top of some milk crates so he could get away from the dog if he so needed. I brought the dog's super comfy bed into the room and set it facing the door, knowing that would be the best place for her to wait for me. I gave them each a kiss goodbye and went to work.

When i returned home, they informed me that callous stereotypes of cats and dogs are wrong. Those stereotypes don't fit all situations and all circumstances. They were very eloquent.



see?

party time

We have been invited to a formal party in Sydney over the weekend. We had to take Faith because she is still too young to be left at home for that long by herself. So in keeping with the theme of "Formal", I made Faith a party dress.



And she looks so cute in her little dress!

Top 10 things i would rather be doing right now

10. Plucking my eyebrows. It isn't my favourite activity...but it would be more fun than what I'm currently supposed to be doing now.

9. Shooting up with needles between my toes. No it isn't because i harbour a secret love of needles or because of my not-so-secret foot fetish, but simply because the idea of torture is still better than what I'm supposed to be doing now.

8.Curling my hair on my legs with a large curling iron....and no my leg hair really isn't that long.

7. Singing songs from old musicals like "Oklahoma!" at the top of my lung in my office....actually i might do that. It will spice up my day.

6. Giving my dog a bath. Actually this one isn't that bad. I kind of enjoy this one. Plus my puppy smells so nice after a good bath...i should go home and bath her.

5. Weeding. this is a horrible chore. One of those horrible chores that should be inflicted on only really bad people....actually, chances are that it would end up my responsibility if we did it that way...so...only REALLY good people should be allowed to weed. There i will never be allowed to weed.

4. Cleaning that gunk out of the earring holes. Yep. it really is that gross. And i would so rather be doing that.

3. Creating a website dedicated to absurd fetishes. Like people with plant fetishes. (not vegetable, PLANT)

2. Taking pictures of "cute" couples. You know the ones that are so sickeningly sweet it makes you want to vomit? I would rather be taking their pictures and tempting myself to regurgitate lunch.

1. And the thing i would MOST like to be doing instead of data entry: become a lady stud and Go HOME!

random incomplete survey

44* ODD Things about you! FILL IT OUT! Learn 44 things about your friends, and let them learn 44 things about you!

*Survey may not contain 44 actual odd things about me

1) Do you like blue cheese?
not so much

2) Have you ever smoked?
only second-hand smoke...and i wasn't impressed

3) Do you own a gun?
no. i firmly believe guns do not belong in homes.

5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
some times. especially if they are appointments where i am unsure of what is going to happen or what the outcome will be.

7) Favorite Christmas movie?
Scrooged is my favourite although a close second is Muppet Christmas Carol

8) Favorite thing to drink in the morning?
i'm a fan of water.

9) Can you do push ups?
Yes, although i do far too few to be considered a world best at it.

10) Favorite piece of jewelry?
i like my wedding ring, although that may sound trite or too cutesy...so instead i'll name my penguin earrings. they are super cute.

11) Favorite hobby?
i have lots of hobbies. the problem is i can't just decide on one and stick with it. I get really excited about one, do it all the time and then switch. At the moment i'm a big dog trainer. Although a couple of months ago it was beading...before that it was knitting...and before that reading...so who knows what tomorrow will bring.

12) Do you have ADD?
my mum said i did as a child. I suspect she is correct. I don't really feel like i have it as an adult...although i don't know enough about it to make an accurate statement on that. I also have never been tested for it.

13) What is one trait you hate about yourself?
I hate that i don't follow through on projects as well as i would like. I start out with a lot of steam. FULL GO AHEAD! and then run out of energy for it by the time i get to phase 2.

15) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
type type type
I should look at my to-do list.
Where is my to-do list?

16) Name 3 drinks you regularly drink
To be honest, i don't have three 'regular' drinks. i consume water and orange juice consistently, but i don't have a third. I could make something up i suppose...My third drink of choice is diet dr. whipper snapper.

17) Current worry?
I worry that the SONscreen project isn't going to fly. I worry that i won't be getting paid for previous work. i worry that my dog isn't eating everything she should....to name a few

18) Current hate right now?
Not sure i have a current hate. Many things i don't like...but nothing worth hating just now.

19) Favorite place to be?
curled up in bed. I could give you more details on that but it would give you nightmares and i don't want to do that to you.

21) Where would you like to go?
I would love to go see my mum. I don't get to see her enough.


27) Favorite color?
i love cartoon colours. Bold colours that have subtle secondary colours mixed it. I know, that doesn't make a lot of sense...i'm sorry.

28) Would you be a pirate?
If by pirate you mean someone sailing the seas and hi-jacking ships, no. If you mean someone who uses bit-torrents, yes. I don't like the idea of paying money for something that i may not like. I go by a 'try before you buy' policy. If it is good, i'll purchase it. If it is crap, i don't. That way THE MAN gets a clear view of the kind of films/music i want made. I'm using my purchase power to get the stuff i actually want.

29) What songs do you sing in the AM?
i'm not big on singing in the morning. low groans are about all i can muster for happy sounds in the AM.

33) Last thing that made you laugh?
My epic fail. I managed to book a trip to a meeting in another state, only to find out when i got there that i had the wrong date for the meeting. EPIC FAIL.


35) Worst injury you have ever had?
I think all my worst injuries have been emotional. I have been blessed with an incredible body that stays strong and doesn't break easily. So in comparison, my emotional health is weak as.

36) Do you love where you live?
I love the ocean here. I have some awesome friends here, but it is so far away from so many loved ones that it can be hard. I miss them so much some times.

37) How many TVs do you have in your house?
One, but we use our computers to watch tv shows...so i'm not sure a tv is particularly special any more.

39) Do you have any pets?
I do. i have a beautiful black and white cat named Bob. He is so intuative. He senses who needs him and spend his time on their lap.

I also have a puppy. She is quite a delight. She is always happy and ready to please.


41) What is your favorite book(s):
i very much like "Til We Have Faces' by CS Lewis. I also quite enjoy Terry Pratchetts books.


42) Do you collect anything?
i do. i collect koals. i've collected them since i was a small child actually.

I also collect masks. they hang from my wall and bring a ghostly presence to my house.

danger zone

Tomorrow morning i will be getting up at an ungodly hour. I will brush the sleep out of my eyes and plop myself into the drivers seat of my car, drive to the airport and get on a plane. My flight will take me to Melbourne. From there, i rent a car and drive straight into the heat of the fires.

Why would i do this? because my contract job asks me to. I am presenting to a conference. I'm hoping to make such an impression that they walk away on fire (not literally) for the events i'm promoting.

Pray that i stay safe. Fire is no way to go.

fire, loss and pain

As the fires blaze in Victoria, people all over the world say prayers for those dealing with the crisis. No one wants to know someone who has been affected, but somehow we all do. The faces of the victims seemed to be burned into our brain. We all mourn their loss.

It is heart wrenching to hear tales of small children dying in these fires. Children should be invincible, they shouldn't get the short straw in life. Teachers and parents are struggling with how and what to tell the surviving children. Could you look into a child's eyes and tell them they will never see their best friend again?

All of Australia feels the pain of these losses and the pain will not cease when the fires go out.

Pledge for the day

On this day in my history, i will not allow this day to disappear into nothing. I will do something with this day to make it worth while. I will be witty and possibly funny. I will laugh at least once. I will take comfort in at least one solitary moment. I will look to the future with hope and a healthy dose of realism. I will not allow myself to be overly pessimistic about the day. Today is a great day. It is this day, part of the exciting adventures that is my life.

Now to go and do more mundane paper work.

dog training

A new dog requires lots of training. Some times you aren't sure when to start training what. And although i know new dogs need to be trained and exposed to lots of different things...i thought this was a bit silly


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thoughts on 27 years

After 27 years of life i realise that there are two fundamental truths about me.

1. I'm a bitch
2. I'm okay with that.

After years of getting annoyed when people push me into things i don't want to do, getting angry and sulky and finally doing whatever it is they want, i've realised i'm much happier when i'm bitchy.

person: You need to do this for me.
Me: no i don't. your a big person. you can do it all by yourself.

oh yeah. that feels good.

Being a bitch from the beginning seems to save me a lot of stress from self bitchiness. I think i'm starting to pick up traits from my hero Diana Trent.

Looks who's been making friends!

so me today

Learning to believe

I am beliefless. When it comes to understanding where i came from, i am more likely to say "i don't know" than actually give an answer. I just don't see a clear 'answer', despite my Christian position.

Sir David Attenborough, the British broadcaster and naturalist, believes in evolution. I have no problem with this. He is free to believe whatever he wants. I don't need to control his belief system even though i don't agree with it.

Apparently i'm one of the few Christians who believe this because Sir Attenborough keeps getting hate mail for his lack of belief in a Creator.

I am not entirely beliefless, i suppose because this article stirred me up. I do believe. I believe in the rights of people to think for themselves. As a christian, are we supposed to defend each other's rights to think independently. Christ died so that we could have choices. Why do we try to take that away from others?

I admit that i struggle when friends tell me that they're belief system is different. I want to say, "but why?! did you consider XYZ?" I am learning to curb this. It is a slow process. But i believe it is important to allow them to think for themselves. How can we ever grow if we only allow one way of thinking?

This is what i believe.

u fink ur kewl, but i know da troof

LOL

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New favourite website

Thanks to Penguin, i found a new favourite website. sorta like LolCats, except...a little more in my style of humour. Enjoy.

Click here for site

Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President Obama,

I am so excited to welcome you into your new post. I am excited to hear that you are already making changes that i feel are important to a free nation. From allowing women counselling during pregnancy that involve all the options, to closing down Guantanamo Bay, i am suddenly a little prouder of my birth country.

Today marks a new day for the world. No longer is there a deep sense of shame for us expats when our country of birth is mentioned. Instead we can hold our head up and say with confidence that things are changing!

I know that the following years are going to be hard. I know that the country will not change overnight and that tough times are not going to be avoided just because we have a competent leader now. I just want you to know that i realise this and don't expect life to go from horrible to exuberant over night.

I look forward to your leadership and wish you all the best in the most stressful job in the world.

sincerely
expat Kris

humour

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Goodbye

Last week i found out that i has lost a friend. I hadn't misplaced him, he'd misplaced himself.

In October my friend killed himself. He didn't tell anyone that anything was wrong, he just decided to end his life.

Living on the other side of the world, it wasn't unusual that i didn't hear from him every week. We usually caught up ever 4 months or so. When christmas came and he didn't send me a message, i thought he was busy with the christmas season. When New Years rolled around, i didn't notice his lack of merriment then either.

It was when i visited his myspace page and saw all the condolences remarks, the various thoughts and prayers that went out to his family that i got that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't know how he had died. I couldn't believe it! I contact his friends and after several days of waiting, i found out the news.

It is horrible to grieve a death that is 4 months past. It is worse still, not knowing why he did it.

pictures of my beautiful sleeping Faith

believe it or not, this is all in one 30 minute nap time. She just moves around A LOT in her sleep. I wonder what she dreams of...

In your face

Being raised in a Christian family, i was taught (not exactly by my parents) that Christian billboards were a great thing. They told people about God. As a i grew up, i noticed other billboards that displayed advertisements for various products. I found that i didn't always believe those advertisements and i began to wonder, why a stranger would believe a Christian billboard? What is more, why would a non believer find a Christian billboard non offensive? After all, the billboard i saw were very 'in your face'.

I still identify myself as Christian. I don't see a need to force my belief system on other people. Thus, i feel that most billboards are over the top. So it was a little smile that i saw the London buses declare a different kind of message. Christian (and possibly religious) groups all over the world will be getting their knickers in a bunch as they read the new signs on the London Buses.

"There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life"

Take a moment to enjoy the discomfort of being on the receiving end of a sign you don't fully agree with. Now remember that feeling next time you are tempted to push a "Jesus loves you, so be good" sign.

website that made me laugh

As i was checking community radio stations i came across the funniest notice for a website.


Click here to see what i saw.

Stripping Gaza

I'm a pacifist to the core. I recognise that in some situations war is an option, but i don't believe it is ever a good option. Perhaps this is why i struggle with Israel's decision to invade Gaza. They're reaction i felt was way over blown. Then when they issued their statement about being sad for the civilians who were being killed and wounded due to their own attacks, i got mad.

If you have the ability to stop the hurt, you must do it! Attacking or invading a country that does not agree with you does not instill love and peace in their minds. Long lasting peace will take years of negotiations. It will require understanding. Dropping a bomb on your neighbour isn't going to making living next door any easier.

I think I'm most disappointed in Obama at this point. His silence on the conflict is deafening. Bush happily supports Israel's attacks, even in the face of UN opposition (but that isn't new). Obama, i thought we were getting someone who wasn't afraid to speak out against wrongs....and bombing UN schools is WRONG. aren't you going to say something?

new favourite song

Did you hear that?

It started in the afternoon. I wasn't entirely sure what i was hearing. At first it was like the children next door were throwing rocks at our back veranda. (sadly, not entire unusual) Then, it sounded like they got a LOT of friends helping them. We ran out back to find hail beating our backyard. and not the small hail either.


We also noticed that some of the hail seemed to have interesting shapes or designs. So we took pictures. Cause...well, we're on holidays and we really don't have much else going on to distract us from picture taking. Plus, with the cutest dog in the world is living at our house, so we often find the need to pull out the camera, therefore it is never far away.

Call me, Faith

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, its because I want to know more about you.

Real Rules: F*ck da rules. read, don't read, add, don't add. I don't really care.

1. My animals relieve the stress in my life.

2. I like to read, but often have difficulty seeing anything beyond the glaring white pages

3. World of Warcraft is fun...although i perfer puppy training

4. I often wish my family lived closer

5. I really enjoy being around people who think outside the box.

6. I suck at keeping in touch.

7. But i really do love my friends very much...even though my writing/calling skills are lacking

8. I sometime write poetry. No you can't read it.

9. A good play turns me on.

10. I would love to be part of a local theatre group...if i could find one...

11. i worked 7 years in childcare before i went to college.

12. I think my husband is amazing...mostly cause he still wants to be married to me.

13. I like foot massages

14. *Enters stage right, exits through trap-door*

15. My comfort food is brussel sprouts.

16. I come from a strong line of women. Women who have amazing abilities to weather all sorts of situations.

Thanks for reading!

TAGS: Becky, Sharona, Melody, Della, Clair, Penguin,

Puppy love

As per last post, we have now brought home our newest family member.


Thank you to everyone who suggested names. We are still working through the list and seeing what matches her personality. Probably the test will be which one she answers to after a couple of days with us.

Our cat is still working out what he thinks of our newest addition. He is constantly watching the puppy pen to see what this "thing" does next. Whenever the cat needs to move, he does so in *super stealth mode*. It is almost as if he is afraid to wake her up.

We'll keep you posted as to how this all develops.

I need a name

Can you help me? i need a name. I'm a little female King Charles Cavalier. I will come live in my new home after Christmas but i still don't have a name. Leave a comment to help name me.

the big clean

I freely admit that i'm a slob. I don't like to mop, i'm not a big fan of the dishes and i hate spring cleaning. The benefit to living at home is that you can let mum do most of that sort of stuff. Unfortunately, i don't live with my mother. I am the woman of the house, and thus, the duty falls to me to complete.

So today i bit the bullet and pulled everything out of the laundry room. I dismantled the dining room and began the horid chore of washing the floor. While the floor gets a fortnightly wash and a daily sweep, it rarely gets a proper scrub. Today it did. The water turned black as i got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed every inch of the floor.

Now it is all done. I have a shiny kitchen floor. And somehow i managed to do all this before i ate lunch. So now i'm trying to figure out how to get food without dirtying my beautiful floors.

sigh...maybe i should move my mum in here.

heating up the christmas season

Every year i mention (if not complain) about it. It's December and the heat is almost unbearable...at least today. Living in the southern hemisphere has a lot of benefits, but i will never get used to Christmas being hot. I just can't seem to find the special signal that tells me "CHRISTMAS IS HERE!".

Somehow all my favourite Christmas traditions are lost when it is 90 degrees outside. Getting cosy by the fire with a cup of hot chocolate seems silly. Putting up a pine tree with large bulbs that emit warm colour to the room all seem misplaced. The worst is shopping in the stores with Christmas music playing. As i browse swimwear the store blares "frosty the snowman". I have doubts that frosty would last more than 5 minutes here.

One tradition that still works is Eggnog. Somehow mixing my eggnog (with milk and nutmeg, not rum) and enjoying a cool glass feels like Christmas, even in the heat. The taste seems to signal that Christmas really is here. Although i will never get used to Christmas here, at least i can enjoy my eggnog.

If i had something interesting to say, i'd put it here.

i'll get back to you

Zorro the gay blade

One of my favourite scenes from the classic 1981 movie, Zorro the gay blade.

kristin blogs again

I sometimes wonder if advertisers realise what they have done to me. In their attempt to entice me to buy whatever they are selling, they dress ladies in sex and babies in cuteness. They use bright colours and "personal" stories. But in truth, i am more likely to buy a product i've researched on the net, rather than something i've seen on tv. In fact, i would say that if i've seen it on tv, i'm less likely to trust it.

I realise my logic isn't clear so let me explain.

While watching a television program an advertisement for a hair care product will come on. They use beautiful models with quite frankly, unbelievable hair. The hair looks like its been photoshoped. Now i know their products are sold in stores. I know that i have friends who use the product. I have never seen anyone who had hair that looked like it had been retouched with a computer. Thus, i decide that the commericial is lying about their product. Thus, i don't want to buy their product.

Now i'm not sure when advertisers began to think that their audience would believe whatever was put before them, but i really think they need to re-evaluate this belief. The internet has proven to be a powerful tool for the consumer and if the advertiser doesn't think that we can find out information about their product all by ourselves, they are fooling themselves.

So my message to the advertising companies:

We, the consumer, are smarter than your blond models. Stop addressing us like we aren't!

just for Becky

Sorry becky, i've reloaded it. you can also find the same video here.

Best lines (from real life) of the week

from toddler: HEY! OVER HERE! I'M IN A PRAM!
-----------------------------

Girl (munching on ice)

Boy: frustrated much?

Girl (annoyed): yeah, do your job!

---------------------------------

Husband: (sound asleep, gets up, crawls to the bottom of the bed where cat is) HI Bob. good kitty.

thought for the day

You would not be mistaken if you'd thought to yourself in the last few weeks that "kristin has been slack on the blogging". I'll admit, entries full of quotes is quite slack on my part. I would love to point to something and be able to identify it as the reason my writing genuis having been out of the office, but alas, it would involve over-sharing and then a box of tissues would be required, and it would just all end badly. So in the attempt to save the tissues, we'll skip the annoying over-sharing parts and go straight to the quote...er...thought for the day.

Why can't i control -z my way out of real life problems?

Quotes from George Bernard Shaw

• Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

• A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

• Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve.

• I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.

The Red Green Show

The Red Green show was a Canadian show that ran for 15 or so years. Great show. It's humour was a little off centre, but that is often how i like my funnies. So in my nostalgic moments today, i compiled some quotes from the show.


[Red tries to get Dalton to guess the word 'Sensitive.']
Red Green: All right... aware.
Dalton Humphries: Sober.
Red Green: Touchy.
Dalton Humphries: Feely.
Red Green: Touchy-feely.
Dalton Humphries: Richard Simmons?
Red Green: Compared to you, your wife is more...
Dalton Humphries: Overweight.
Red Green: Emotionally, she's more...
Dalton Humphries: Weepy!
Red Green: No, she notices things more, because she's...
Dalton Humphries: Picky.
Red Green: You would never say to your wife that she's picky, overweight or weepy because...
Dalton Humphries: Castration?
Red Green: The vertical hold on your television set.
Dalton Humphries: Sensitive.
-----------------------------------------------------
Red Green: Well, I'm not gonna be calling the U.S. Air Force, Harold. What do I say? We've got a missile? They take that as a threat, we're in real trouble.
Harold Green: Well, then, contact the Canadian Air Force.
Red Green: Harold, it's after six; he's gone home.

---------------------------------------------------
Red Green: [singing] Oh, a horse with a horn is called a unicorn/A horse with stripes is called a zebra/A horse with wings is called Pegasus/And a horse with a broken leg is called glue.

Osama plans US attacks!

Have you ever noticed that mainstream news is starting to look more and more like gossip column drivel? Instead of using facts to write a story, it suddenly turns into something like:

Osama Bin Laden, 51, is set to attack the USA again later this year, a source close to the terrorist says. He is looking for something in the spring because he has always loved the way spring smells, especially if there is death in the air. But some of Osama's friends are getting worried. "He is really going out of control." says a close friend of Osama, "He used to do this for a reason, but now its all about the fame".

oy vey!

kristin needs

a pick me up. and not that artificial kind that only includes coffee. Give me something really STRONG!

[^proof that the pillow bought over the weekend did not actually improve the sleep kristin is getting]]

I've lost the script

Maybe Melody had a good point. Life never works out the way you imagine it will. I'm pretty sure i've lost the script to my life, so here are a few excerpts from my new variety show i call life.

Something i never expected to say but do: I live in Australia

Something i expected to say but don't: and i convinced my mum and siblings to move here too.

Something i want to say, but probably won't: Thank you so much! This Grammy means so much to me

Something i never planned to say but do: I don't need an excuse. I just don't want to.

Something i hoped i would say: Of course i can donate $3 million, it's hardly a drop in the bucket really.

Another hopeful saying: Yes, i can take over as director of your fabulously successful theatre group.


And while my script is never going to work out like i want it to, i'm still stubbornly clinging to a plot...although my ad libbing is in danger of annihilating it. But i refuse to give up on it. Perhaps that is where Maybe Melody has the better of me.

Dear 2008 Republicans

In direct homage to our new President elect, Barack Obama, i will refrain from saying "nah nah nah nah nah!" I know that many of you are scared about what Obama is going to do with the country over the next few years. I know that your scared about how taxes will change, about how you will be able to afford luxuries like groceries in the credit crisis. I know so many of you are not certain you can trust someone who speaks so eloquently, after all even the biblical devil apparently speaks eloquently.

I can not calm your fears.

For the rich republicans, your off-shore tax havens will probably be in danger. Your $500,000 a year tax frauds will likely come to an end. I suggest for you that you learn to enjoy simple pleasures in life, like board games with the family, ice cream at the beach, and yoga classes, instead of personalised lessons.

For religious republicans your morals will not be forced to change, although you may find yourself expectantly living a more christian lifestyle. Your taxes may be used to help pay for the widows' life saving surgeries. It may pay for medicine for orphans and housing for the homeless. But don't worry, your forced charitable acts will not count as your own free willed actions in heaven. God will understand that you really didn't want to do it, especially when it came to providing methadone to addicts.

I do not know for certain what the future holds. I know that election promises get broken, that important points disappear in face of money troubles. Yet i believe and hope that we really are moving towards a better tomorrow. If you don't believe me today, please judge for yourself tomorrow.

Touring Australia

A happy little tourist video made by people who just want the tell the truth.

kristin is

biting her nails as she watches the US elections. This is better than Big Brother!

(and the majority of news coverage is just as useless)

Stolen quote

One of my favourite scenes from buffy the vampire slayer is just after Buffy's mum dies. As everyone desperately tries to come to terms with this death, Anya, the ex-demon (read: non-human) tries to cope with this human event.

Anya: Are they gonna cut the body open?

Willow: Oh my God! Would you just… s-stop talking? Just… shut your mouth! Please!

Anya: What am I doing?

Willow: How can you act like that?

Anya: Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot? I-is that the helpful thing to do?

Xander: Guys—

Willow: The way you behave—

Anya: Nobody will tell me.

Willow: Because it's not okay for you to be asking these things!

Anya: But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I knew her, and then she's— there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead... anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And... and Xander's crying and not talking, and... and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn, or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why! [She begins to cry.]

[long pause]

Willow: We don't know. How it works. Why.

btw: i stole this from her.

BLAH!

I'm having a bad couple of days. Some one send me some Prozac!.. ASAP!

Belated pics: celebrating cake day

A few weeks ago, we did actually celebrate cake day. (if you need an explanation, click here for a great introduction to the concept) We celebrated with Bundaberg Peachee drink and raisin cake.

Note the venetian mask. It harkens back to the time of the French Revolution. (okay the link is tenuous at best, but it still looks cool)

Chris ate some cake.



Then Bobcat got in on the fun



I did too, but i refrained from doing a myspace pic of me eating...it just wouldn't have been pretty...trust me.

Dressing a woman

Sarah Palin has faced criticising about her political experience, her attitudes, her ethics, and now her wardrobe. The republican party paid a staggering $150,000USD for Palin’s clothes and accessories. Now, to point out right at the beginning, i have no love of Mrs. Palin. I think she's manipulative and malicious. Yet, for a brief moment i have paused to think about this wardrobe news with some amount of reflection.

How much did the republican party spend on wardrobing McCain? How much did the democratic party spend on wardrobing Obama or Biden? I have no idea. But the media isn't focused on that.

It isn't unheard of to see Hollywood stars come dressed in million dollar outfits at the Oscars. They rent jewelry worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. The women wear dresses that would cost a small fortune by cutting edge designers. If they don't, the immediately land themselves on the "worst dressed" list.

With the campaigns of both camps being run more like a celebrity outing, it is no wonder that the republicans felt they needed their starlet to dress it up. No matter how "hot" she is, she must look amazing for the celebrity gossip columnists, for the bloggers, for the people. This isn't about what she knows, but how she is dressed and how well she is liked.

We can thank our media outlets for ensuring that.

Your daily dose of fear

When i was in high school a movie called, "Double Jeopardy" came out. It was where i learned that the USA has a law that says if you are tried for a crime, you can't be re-tried for the same crime. (in the movie, Ashley Judd uses this to track down her husband who has set her up for murdering...oh, never mind if want to know check it out on IMDB)

But what is interesting to me, is how this relates to Gitmo detainees. Now i realise that we aren't giving them any form of fair trial, but the lengths we seem to be willing to go to in order to ruin lives is amazing! The Pentagon has announced it is dropping charges against 5 detainees. However, they are keeping the right to reinstate the charges at any time in the future. Plus, there is apparently no talk of actually releasing these people (we might want to charge them again at some point in the future. We probably should keep 'em locked up just in case)

What if these laws for Gitmo detainees became mainstream? What if the USA decided it would get a better prosecution rate if it became flexible on the rights of its own citizens?

Now with the elections coming up all we can say is

"HELP US OBAMA KENOBI OUR OUR ONLY HOPE!"

a couple of things

My taste in shows in somewhat...unique. I pride myself in liking stuff that is genuinely well written. Sadly, the majority of my generation seems caught up the look of a production (which would explain the popularity of Lost and Prison Break). Both shows started out with some writing genius but succumbed to the regular tv politics and played for the money instead of the story. So here are a couple of gems i found that i thought would help direct others like me (there must be a few out there) who actually care what happens to the story.

1. The Guild
The story centres around a girl who is addicted to her online role playing game. In her attempt to deal with her real life, she asks her online Guild to meet in person. Halarity insues.




2. No Heroics
This is a BBC production. The discription of Heros meets Coupling is vaguely accurate for the show. The story is about some second rate heroes who meet at a pub for drinks. The characters are great, love it.

Hit count popularity: outting the organisations

Popularity is on of those things that is hard to measure. As children we suspect it has to do with the way you dress, the way you entertain others, or the teachers favourite child. As an adult we measure our popularity by our hit count.

The problem with this way of thinking is that it soon digresses into gimmicks to pull people to the site. Corporations and organisations are especially vulnerable to this form of thought. They think "If people come to our site, they'll stay for our products". So they send out reports on how popular the unique hit list is. What they don't measure, what they can't measure, is how usefully the website is to the people visiting. If a community website is constructed and the goal of the website is to help the community find resources for their schools you would expect those resources to be the most prominent hit spot. But often, in order to increase the numbers, they will add photo galleries, podcasts, and video streaming of community events to pull people to the site. While the community may not visit any other page, they have added to the hit count. Then when its time to publish how popular the site is, they give out numbers that don't reflect how they are actually benefiting the community.

Possibly the most horrific thing that i have heard is from church leaders. In an attempt to get hits on the site up, they instruct others "while in conversations with neighbours, acquaintances, and friends about Christ, direct people to our website to sign up for Bible Studies". No more talk about bringing people to Christ personally, it is now up to their Internet connection to lead them to God. The dangers of this should be clear.

Organisations, specifically not-for-profit, seem to have fallen into the trap of believing that their site should be the Paris Hilton of the virtual world. The drive to pull more visitors might begin as honourable but it soon digresses into being a hit whore. Honour among websites is pretty much unheard of but perhaps it is something that should be strived for.

Sarah Palin

So Sarah Palin acted unethically. And no this has nothing to do with her whipping up crowds in angry racial and hate-filled ways against her political opponent, Barack Obama. She let her husband use all the power of the governor's office to try to get her ex-brother in law fired. The official report claims she acted unethically. She says it proves she did nothing legally wrong.

Well, i don't know about you, but i'm so glad we finally have someone running for president...oops, i mean vice president, that only acts "unethically". Its about time we had someone who was willing to follow the rule of the law and completely ignore the spirit it is in.

Growing up my ass would have been whipped so hard for that kind of thinking. I never would have gotten away with that.

Father: You know the rule. No sex in the house

Me: I didn't have sex, i just blew my boyfriend once or twice. Didn't break the rules.

yep, that would have been fine.

I'm sure this is the kind of ethics America wants to embrace. With their global image in swirling down the loo, people want to embrace someone who is willing to just poo on it, but not flush it too.

Moments that make me smile

If you have never had the pleasure of seeing Pirates of Penzance, you're sorely missing out. As i was remembering this great play and preparing to arrange for my next viewing ( 19 Oct -East Cessnock Bowling Club) i pulled together some of my favourite quotes from the production. Here they are:

Mabel: Oh Frederic, can you not in the calm excellence of your wisdom reconcile it with your conscience to say something that will ease my father's sorrow?
Frederic: What?
Mabel: Can't you cheer him up?

Fredric: You make it a point of never attacking a weaker party than yourselves, and when you attack a stronger one you invariably get thrashed!
[Pirates approach him with great indignation]
Pirate King: [Holding up finger] There's some truth in that.

and who can forget the Very Model of a Modern Major General song

Bringing back the polls

With the US election just around the corner, i thought we'd get our voting mojo started with a silly poll (found to the right of this post).

It's all about Dr. Horrible.

True, if you haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet, you may be at a slight disadvantage in this poll. It only means you need to go watch it. If you're in the USA you still can. If your outside the USA, bittorrents are your friend.

Remember! VOTE...and get your friends to vote too. Everyone should have a voice.

DO NOT EAT FRUIT AND VEG

A new reason not to eat our fruit and vegetables have been helpfully brought to our attention, thanks to local media. At News.com (yes, i know its a crappy place for news, but it gives me something to blog about) reported there were concerns about melamine being used in pesticides and contaminating our fruit and vegetables that were imported from China.

Where these concerns were coming from was unclear (may i suggest those who distribute and profit from the massive amount of junk food sold?) but it was obviously a threat being taken very seriously by Food Standards Australia New Zealand(FSANZ).

Lydia Buchtmann from FSANZ said Australian investigators were looking into the reports.

"We are taking this seriously," she said. "At this stage, we can find no evidence that they're unsafe, but it's certainly something we're looking into,". She also said a person would have to eat large quantities of contaminated dairy or vegetable produce over some months to suffer ill effects.

It is obvious from this report that our very lives are in danger. we must stop eating all fruit and vegetables until the problem is cleared up. Bring on the potato chips and beer: the only safe stuff left to consume.

The feminist rant

I have often ranted against the new "girl power " "music". But today brings a special cringe to my delicate feminist ear. The song "When I grow Up" was played for me today. The lyrics are song by women in their twenties and thirties dressed in barely-there clothing. When they think they are going to "Grow up" is a bit beyond me, so i have to assume that the song is actually meant to be the anthem for young teen girls. Which in itself scares me.

When I grow up I wanna be famous,
wanna be a star,
wanna be in movies /
when I grow up I wanna see the world,
drive nice cars,
I wanna have groupies.


What happened to i want to be a doctor? I want to be a lawyer? I want to be a mother? I want to be a teacher? Are girls no longer encouraged to seek honourable professions? Are our entire use as females based on how many people we have flocking around us? Or how much money we have? It wasn't that long ago that the idea of being an actress was akin to being a harlot. Thankfully those days have passed, although you wouldn't know it by looking at how the Pussycat Dolls dress.

Bernard Zuel from Sdney Morning Herald agreed with me, "But even if you don't object to the lyrics it's hard to shake the image of the Pussycat Dolls (essentially lap dancers with microphones) when you're listening"

It is sad when a woman begins treating herself like she is nothing more than a play thing. Women hold a sacred role in society, or at least they should. We bare life, which even in a science age is important. We bring a unique perspective to the world. We should not have to set our mind aside to "Be famous". Where are the female role models that show real strength and real honour, that encourage girls to have integrity?

Being able to wear a miniskirt does not equal liberation from oppression. In the same way that baring a child does not equal being a real woman. Excersicing your rights think and act for yourself, making responsible choices, these are marks of a liberated woman.

Sarah Palin

When i first heard that McCain had chosen a woman i was surprised and happy. I thought perhaps that we would finally be seeing some real feminist issues come to light. Perhaps we would address the need for women to be allowed paid maternity leave or maybe we would get a glimpse a woman's right to her own body! I was thrilled, until i heard her speak. Now i'm ashamed. McCain has chosen a pretty face. She isn't interested in Women's Rights. She isn't interested in showing off attributes that are important for a female leader. She is interested in not being caught out in another lie or half truth.

Check out the youtube clip of her talking about Joe Biden. At first she mocks him for being so old. Then when called on it, she suggests that she is merely pointing out that he has all the experience and she's the "fresh face". I hit my hand against my forehead. A woman who is constantly being criticised for her lack of experience really doesn't need to point it out so forcefully to the media.